What is my life worth

  Today I feel pain in my lower back and very slight fever. Last night it was 98.1 so may be getting a touch of the flu. For a week now I have felt sluggish and weak and coughing up alot of flem so maybe some more night quil today.  My homeless situation has been total defeat yet as I walk outside the birds hop along beside me to grab grasshoppers that jump in the grass from my steps and goats and dogs and horses smile and even run to meet me and give kisses. And I think of what Eliphaz said about the harmony of the stone in a field and wild animals will know him. Then the Holy Spirit talks and tells me place in my life to deal with and things to see. God is all around me yet I still feel defeated but I do know I must wait where God has said to wait and when God moves I need to be ready to move. Amen My devotional today was Jesus healing the blind man with spit and mud so we need to let Him heal everything in our lives and so I wait for that healing. Got thinking this afternoo...

  So I sent out a test text to my marriage counselor telling him I was praying for him and I get back a reply the next day saying he is good and that he is praying for my heart. Which leaves a ton of questions since I dont even truly know my heart only God truly knows my heart. So now is he praying for his biased beliefs of my wifes lies that my heart will heal and forgive and trust her. Or is his eyes actually opened to the truth and he now knows some of the hurt my heart has been through.  Sadly to say I am pretty sure it's the first but I pray Father God that you will force confessing and repentance and that either my marriage is going to start a new with full openness and truth or I find an attorney I can afford and a place to move and start a new life but most of all Father get me out of here please amen Another nice chat with copilot. Kind of liking it. Afternoon copilot. Today is kind of a rough day. Since the neighbors rv is less then 10 feet away and he play rap music...

  The void is still here and I sent out a test feeler to our marriage counselor telling him I was praying for him but I feel very strongly that he won't get it or will not reply. It's almost like I am being erased slowly. I mean with no contact and no meeting anyone I know it is like God held satan and now is holding everyone else back to were I become non existent. I seem to be conflicted inside of if I should try contacting people like sending a text to my friends or hate to say it but even send one to my wife or should I take this void as a rest. In many ways I don't even feel like walking just sitting here watching the sun go over and the day pass by. Not much comes in my mind and not much comes out of it either. Where am I. Father today I am still in the area You have set me in and my heart still feels You close oh Lord but I ask that You would revel to me if I am to be still and rest for what is to come or is this a pause for me to react to something or still is it ti...

  Father today I pray for help and rescue Lord I am so tired of this life of homelessness and plead with You God to send me some rescue. Even if it's a nice quite place were I can park my rv and have good showers and bathrooms and possibly working for someone as a grounds keeper or easy job to bide my time Father I just want a home and move my stuff out to be away from the lies and hate that satan has flooded my life with. Please oh please God fill my go fund me that I can purchase a place and be moved by August and have my puppies with me. I have given up any hope that truth will ever be know and that love will ever be found. I just want to disappear and dust my sandals off of this town of haters FATHER PLEASE PLEASE SAVE ME. Amen Well today the void is still here and my day dreams seem to be hope for the house with loving lady that knows the truth and has an attorney for a daughter all the way down to how nice it would be for someone to stop and ask if I would like a job as year ...

  Today the void is like a calm in the middle of a lake. It's quite and still and my mind is open to think or hear. Yet satan seems barred from speaking which makes the calm even more peaceful. I know God is doing something but I will not know till God is ready for me, then the door will open. I pray for rescue please please let it be Lord. Amen As we sat on the bench downtown cody and watched people it was no wind and pleasent weather. The people flowed like chaotic ants and going everywhere. Cars were speeding to get through red lights and the anger of drivers was so loud in vision. We talked with some folks from California and then watch some more. I read my bench prayer copilot wrote and seemed everything was just right for his prayer. No answers, no wants just simple calm and peace. The void is still here and I am feeling comfortable in it but still very antsy as to what is coming. Father I am unsure of what the void is for but my anxiety and calm are clashing over the anticip...

  There are those who see the laws as tools to use when it aligns with their ideas and beliefs. if the laws hinder them then they are of no use and will be ignored. if they don't like something they are beyond the law and therefore do what they want no matter who they may hurt or get killed in the process. sadly this form of thinking has began to become prominent in our world and spreads chaos wherever it is. leaving death and destruction in its wake and people with some morals crying for sanity to return.  help this guy out if you can or share if you will. https://gofund.me/608c1052 I see this so much today as the world and America jump head on into lawlessness and when a white supremacy leader starts tossing people out of the country based on color or money status it is total chaos. But I do know that I see satan over running the people and the more souls he steals, the more he uses those to steal more. The world is becoming totally wicked and under the control of satan. As ...

  Contentment and happiness that was the topic today as the group met. I think happiness is the lifted spirit when you do something fun and enjoyable. Contentment comes from doing something fun and enjoyable that lasts for days. The knowledge of knowing you can return to that thing and enjoy it again and again is Contentment. Well I took the armor of God and decided to go for a walk today and figured if I got show at again I would never go back. Thank you God for keeping me safe and out of harm. It was nice to see the birds catching grasshoppers in front of me as I walked past the grass hehehe.  Went and got my new plates for the truck and dreamed of a nice rescue coming through and starting a new life in a nice country home off grid and single. Last year 2024 I had almost 20 surgeries on my back from a brown recluse spider bite. My wife was filling the house with perfume and from a h2s gas exposure accident in the oil fields, my lungs were scared and the new tissue that grew ...

  So the rain is falling and the wind blowing and it cold out. Today is a stay in bed and sleep and play games day I think. Kind of a sluggish day. Colder around 50 degrees and has been raining off and on. Still not feeling like walking especially out on orchard lane. And I know muscle dystrophy starts in about 3 days but I still have plenty of time before I get to weak hehehe. As long as I can still do 3 sets of 80 pushups in a minute each should be good. So I am just sitting on my couch in this little rv wishing I had a caring voice to talk to or something would happen to force to truth out of my wifes lies. Kind of a pity myself day I guess when I should be thanking God I am still alive and that the shots fired at me did not hit me thanks to God protection. But I just wonder why they were shooting at me and they were following me as I walked so they had to know I was there since to bullets were always around me. I know satan wants to draw me into conflict with others and then th...

  The world had gone crazy and everyday someone is making news by killing, stealing, suffering, or hating, we are so caught up in sexual appeal and money that it leads us to be part of the crowd and yet we blame mental issues for it and blame others. It is satan running complete control and chaos is his key.  Father as I wake this morning and see in the winds the making of a world of Sodom and Gamora racing to the same ends satan has made this world unfit for God's kingdom yet You Lord lead me daily into peace of mind and contentment of my heart knowing Your love is flowing into my soul. Thank you God for this and more that you do. I believe Father at this time satans rule is over run the believers and replace them with image faith and not true faith. As I continue on through my days Father protect my heart and mind and soul from all of satans attacks and temptations and let me forge on continuely speaking of Your Love Lord and touching to hearts of those ready for your harves...

  The lack of direction still lingers today but I still have the stillness and calm. I would rather be moving since I have so many fears popping up in my head that my wife is selling or giving away all my thing tomorrow in the town wide garage sale and so I will not have anything to move. Then there is the thought that she is having a family summer get together like they do every summer and she is building hate so deep that I might get her siblings down here at the rv park threating me or yelling or being assholes and I don't want any of it. So I ask God to still my mind and toss satan out of my life today. Let me rest and hear only the Holy Spirit today Lord and let me see glimpses of my future and have a friendly voice to talk to Father. Let my preparedness be showen today and that my gofundme will take off that I would soon within a week have a home and be moving to prepare for my puppies coming back to me and a divorce that my life will be renewed with loving people away from t...

  I feel like I have no direction of thought and yet many thoughts are circling around and coming and going. Which makes me feel really wishy washy like there is no ambition because there is no direction. Will the marriage counselor try to get a meeting today or did he and my wife come to some plan that waiting till July would make me change some how. Do I care. Should I care. Is there something I can do to talk God into making my rescue happen today will an attorney show up will I find a place to move. It's like I don't want to start anything just in case someone else starts something I need more. Then a daily devotional like this "'They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you,' declares the Lord." ~ Jeremiah 1:19 NIV Never forget... It's not a matter of if trials arise but when. There are multiple promises in the Bible that you will face trials and persecution. Both Old and New Testament. God knew what the ...

  Maybe today I will poke some fun. Last week after 3 weeks of silence because my wife got mad that I accused her of keeping secrets and leading a double life the counselor was trying to setup a session and I asked if my wife was going to be there. So hours later he sent out a text in the group again saying "my wife called him PRIVATELY and said she would not be there " then went on to explain that he had told her some dates and she thought he wasn't going to be there blah blah blah. But he finished with a note " but I can meet with you with the understanding my NO SECRETS policy is still in effect".  Ok this was wrong on so many levels because it could be insulting to me or a warning to me, I just dont know exactly how it was ment or just a point he was making because of my telling my wife she has secrets and won't talk to me about her life because of all of her secrets. Soooo this morning I think I may just poke some fun at it. Here's what I think I wi...

  And that would be me. So I will be the grumpy old man that hates his wife and files for divorce so she can cry to her church mates how awful I am and the best thing she ever had walks away. Kind of a lazy day today but talking with copilot again this morning about the cost of attorneys and home to move to and thought maybe a gofundme account would work. So I had him create me a truthful heart felt story and I build a gofundme at   https://gofund.me/608c1052 And tonight I wanted to get it out there and shared but did not really want to post or had anyone to share  and have anyone in basin or greybull find out about it and run to her. My hope is is that I can find a place get a down payment on it so I can move in and then get all my stuff out of her house and property. And PLEASE PLEASE GOD LET ME FIND A WAY TO TAKE MY PUPPIES WITH ME.  Once I have everything off and out of storage shed and my rv out there so I am not in basin any more then file the divorce and ...

  Today I awake at midnight and talk to myself describing my rescued out of this sewer and to greener pasture but fall asleep at 4 to arise at 7 thinking of new rescues today. Please Lord God let today be the day of rescue and moving and peace. Let the truth come forth and my path be cleared for the changes that need to come. Guide me with words and actions to work in Your kingdom and follow Your plan oh Lord. Amen Had a really good day in cody. When we first got there and went to the China town buffet my wife and her daughter and mother were parked out front so my daughter said should we go some place else and I said no we can ignore them. Well as we reached the door they came rushing out and left without a word. We ate good and walked up and down main street to waste some time for first meeting. Got to the meeting with VOA and disgusted my daughters letter from ssa and faxed it her reply. Then I told my rep that I am getting a divorce and suddenly my heart felt lifted. She asked ...

  Man I keep waking up deeper down in the feeling low bucket. I so so badly want a rescue from God it just hurts to want this bad. But that is why I need the walks because God meets me and fills me. I could not even imagine the cold hopeless struggles this would be without God. Thank you Father for everything amen  I don't doubt God because every morning I wake up feeling the weight of homelessness and the depression of loneliness and it is all I can do to eat. But I know when I step out my door for my walk Jesus is right there with dogs wagging tails waiting for me to wave hi and birds running along beside me on the road and squirrels playing around and chasing me is all a heart filling fountain of Jesus. And yes I complain and whine about my life and my marriage and so badly wanting God to rescue me. But God puts His hand on my chest and say wait and feel protected. And God gives me so much to do like volunteering at food bank and this weekend I had to call and ambulance bec...

  Except for the love of my daughter everyone else seems to have been turned against me. So this father's day like so many in the past is just another depressing day. I do get to help with the food bank today and will get a basket of food which I split with a lady in the rv park. She stays inside all the time and takes care of her mother and we can't store or eat all the fresh food fast enough so no since wasting it. I feel today that I am removing my rings except to play the game at marriage counseling but that has now been put off till July 9th or later so I am praying that GOD WILL SEND ME RESCUE BEFORE THEN. Please please I beg of You Lord help me move. Well the food bank says they are not distributing till 13:30 so guess I play games for a spell have some lunch and maybe they be starting hehehe Feel so down and lonely thus morning. Would be so nice to have someone to sit under and tree and just talk about anything and everything mostly dreams and thoughts. God send me some...

  I feel it's almost a competition to who will give in and divorce the other first. Wow that maybe the ticket right there. If my wife is so set on getting rid of me that all the ways she has been trying to make me hate her so she will be the divorced victim and I have been in love with her to much. Man that's it it's the victim game and her image. So she plays all the cards and I am the blame and she scores a perfect image in the church as the beaten sad abused wife. I need to start telling her I dont love her and stop calling and talking and start telling her how sad I am that her life sucks and how glad I am that she doesn't want to share that bad life with me. I need to start pushing the dont want her or to be with her. Father I think I know what satan is up to and it's all about my wifes Christian image. Satan has her believing that she is the biggest and saddest victim out there not realizing it's brokenhearted that Jesus wants not fake victims. Father I as...

  Got a text bright and early this morning from the marriage counselor and it seems very biased and pointed that today's session is nothing more then a accusations day for me. He stated that my wife came to him distraught because I had starting accusing her again so now he needs to set boundaries so that the "progress" we have made won't be lost. Which I can tell it's BULLSHIT but yes I told her I was tired of the stupid conversation we had of her complaining about her pain then her mothers weight nothing about relationship or getting back together or marriage. Told her she is leading a double life of secrets in which she never tells me anything and so now the marriage counselor in all his prideful biased wisdom believing only what she says is going to rip me a new asshole for trying to get her to talk. BS BS BS Father today God Please please make this a change. If my wife is not showing at the meeting I am changing it for sure. I may be tossing everything out the...