Day 280 I feel sick

 


Today I feel pain in my lower back and very slight fever. Last night it was 98.1 so may be getting a touch of the flu. For a week now I have felt sluggish and weak and coughing up alot of flem so maybe some more night quil today. 

My homeless situation has been total defeat yet as I walk outside the birds hop along beside me to grab grasshoppers that jump in the grass from my steps and goats and dogs and horses smile and even run to meet me and give kisses. And I think of what Eliphaz said about the harmony of the stone in a field and wild animals will know him. Then the Holy Spirit talks and tells me place in my life to deal with and things to see. God is all around me yet I still feel defeated but I do know I must wait where God has said to wait and when God moves I need to be ready to move. Amen

My devotional today was Jesus healing the blind man with spit and mud so we need to let Him heal everything in our lives and so I wait for that healing.

Got thinking this afternoon about rescue and a home and my puppies and man I want a change so PLEASE GOD SEND THE RESCUE SOON. Amen

So I spent all day napping and gaming doing nothing special but feeling sorry for myself and wanting a new life plus thinking of what if scenarios. With the total cut off from my wife I kept having the thought of the marriage counselor sending me a message and asking if I had contacted my wife or thought of what I can do to help her. And it just keeps coming back to the thing copilot said. 

 “Given the claims made about feeling unsafe, I’ve chosen to make no contact unless it comes from my wife. I want to honor her stated boundaries, and I leave the door open if and when she feels safe enough to speak.”

Then that will put it in her court. Also had thoughts of him saying something happened to my wife then asking if I had called her to check on her which I  felt inclined to say "no I haven't heard from my wife since June 8th but I am sure that when she is ready to talk she will let me know" and let it go at that. 

But with aside I just went for a short walk and called the day done.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Year 1.4 soot sooty

Image
  This is the day the Lord has made. I still am upset that this day will pass so quickly and I will have nothing to reflect upon except the speed at which it went by. I am still homeless and lonely and praying for help and rescue yet the adversary is still parading around and gleaming in the happiness of their lies and getting everything the world can give them while I scrape to survive and pray for every speck of love God will give me. I watch as the people around increase in violence and rage and hangings and shootings and assassination threats become the everyday normal. People killing each other without regard to other lives and all for the idea of a skin color, a monetary status, a better idea of life, etc. God is shut away and satan rules the lives around me. I am hated and isolated for the peace of God comfort and protection. There is no way God will fix my marriage because the hate and attempted murder. God will keep me away by their hate to protect me. There is no way God ...
Read more

Year 1.178 noise noise

Image
  This mornings daily devotional email was in my inbox today so the battle rages on. This morning the noise is loud and I mean loud. Starting at 5am cars starting and reving up and car alarms going off and sirens racing past the camper. All with the level like they were inside beside me. The noise and busy still echo and pound and the world is trying to be noticed. It's like satan is driving the point of the associate pastor in the police car straight at me. But God let's a devotional email through this morning about using Gods lens on the out come of our world.  No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. ~ 1 Corinthians 9:27 NIV The saying "mind over matter" is missing one word—spiritual. It should read "spiritual mind over matter," but the overlying theme remains true no matter the version you use. This phrase speaks to the power of your thoughts and how all ...
Read more

Day 244 the memorial day weekend whoppee

Image
  Maybe I am just seeing the negative in my marriage and wanting it to end. Should I be concerned that my wife does not respect me. Should it not bother me that she only talks to other men and leaves the house to stand in the yard so I can't hear. Should I care that she doesn't talk to me at all about anything to do with other people and that her social media life is totally a secret life from me. Should I worry that she tells other family members to hate me and try to drive me away.  It just seems so hard to be in a world like this and think that is what God wants for me.  Today's devotional was about hopes and this is my hope. This is soooo true and everyday when I go on my walks Jesus is right there loving me the whole walk. And I see it weather it's the dogs that run to the fences with toys and wagging tails just to see me wave hi or the squirrels sitting on fence posts watching do pushups. Or the horses and cows running up the fences for a good head scratch.  Je...
Read more