Day 273 and the rain falls

 



So the rain is falling and the wind blowing and it cold out. Today is a stay in bed and sleep and play games day I think.
Kind of a sluggish day. Colder around 50 degrees and has been raining off and on. Still not feeling like walking especially out on orchard lane. And I know muscle dystrophy starts in about 3 days but I still have plenty of time before I get to weak hehehe. As long as I can still do 3 sets of 80 pushups in a minute each should be good. So I am just sitting on my couch in this little rv wishing I had a caring voice to talk to or something would happen to force to truth out of my wifes lies. Kind of a pity myself day I guess when I should be thanking God I am still alive and that the shots fired at me did not hit me thanks to God protection. But I just wonder why they were shooting at me and they were following me as I walked so they had to know I was there since to bullets were always around me. I know satan wants to draw me into conflict with others and then the circle will escalate and satan will win the trial but if I sit back and praise God for Him protecting me then satan loses the fight.  I don't feel much like doing anything but I wish something would happen to make either the truth come out or my rescue begin.


I did not know what or even the word narcissistic until a year ago. I mean I delt with some strange behaviors from my wife and always being accused of cheating on her almost daily with people I didn't know or people on social media. Then the quick flip to being a victim saying she was just insecure about our marriage. Then it started to get into men saying hi I did not know and she would tell me after they went past "I hate that man he cheats on his wife". I started think after a few years of that she must have a 24 hour surveillance group or she knows they cheat because she is the one they cheat with. Soon I started learning how to counter these annoying things because I closed all my social media accounts and went strictly to text and phone. Which change to a new habit of all my gifts were not good enough and got tossed after she told me why. Then she started the "she is perfect" routine and I could never be or do anything good enough for her. When I  found out what narcissistic was and thought back at how she got all my friends and family to turn against me. Then thinking how bad some other traits got because I closed of some. And now she knows the massive amount of lies she has told but has everyone believing she never lies. I really do not see our marriage working out. She will never confess the truth because it's against every grain of a narcissistic person and I just want a clean. Justified divorce one that is not biased so I get my half of the money and my things and move to my new place. But this darn solitude is making me pity my self more instead of saying I have victory in Jesus and need to walk with assurance that Jesus will rescue me



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