Day 270 and I feel like the day is in a circle
I feel like I have no direction of thought and yet many thoughts are circling around and coming and going. Which makes me feel really wishy washy like there is no ambition because there is no direction. Will the marriage counselor try to get a meeting today or did he and my wife come to some plan that waiting till July would make me change some how. Do I care. Should I care. Is there something I can do to talk God into making my rescue happen today will an attorney show up will I find a place to move. It's like I don't want to start anything just in case someone else starts something I need more.
Then a daily devotional like this
"'They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you,' declares the Lord."
~ Jeremiah 1:19 NIV
Never forget...
It's not a matter of if trials arise but when.
There are multiple promises in the Bible that you will face trials and persecution. Both Old and New Testament.
God knew what the path ahead had in store. He knew how hard it would get at times. And He knew it was in those times that you would need Him the most.
However, God doesn't wait until you're in the situation; He always prepares you for the journey. Always providing exactly what you need.
Jeremiah was called to be a prophet of many nations which was overwhelming for him. It was also very scary for him.
God knew what Jeremiah needed most and provided it. He needed comfort and confidence in knowing that God would always be with him no matter what.
Take pride in the God that you serve today and know that He has it all under control on your behalf. He has already placed in you everything that you need to be prosperous.
Your job is to believe and walk in it. When trials come, face them with the utmost confidence in knowing your Heavenly Father is right alongside you.
Just when defeat seems evident...He will rescue you.
You have nothing to worry about.
Let's pray...
"Father, I trust you in my times of trials. I depend on your rescue alone when things get too much to bear. Thank you Father for your continual love and mercy on my life. In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
Afraid I had to reply this
Amen
But so much to work with. This last week I have decided to end my marriage of 25 years. The narcissistic (which I only found out this last year what it was called) I have been tormented by all these years and told I was not good enough and that she constantly accused me of cheating even with ladies in the Walmart store as they walked by then play the victim saying she was just insecure. Then throwing away gifts all the time like a 300 dollar pair of earrings because they were zirconian and not pure diamonds etc. Then she keeps her life a total secret from me and even goes out side to talk to people on the phone so I can not hear. After our separation and I finally got her to go to marriage counseling. It has been 10 months she still talk hate to her family so they don't want me around her or in her house. She tells the church and counselor she is in fear for her life from me yet in 2017 I was the one that got a death threat from a man that said he was her lover. Now everyone believes her that I made that up and I am crazy. The trial and the hate that builds from everyone I have been screaming for God to rescue me yet here I am homeless and alone. But every day God meets me on my walk and I have goats that kiss me and dogs that stand at fences wagging tails waiting for me to wave and say hi. The Holy Spirit told me to read the book of Job and pointed to Job 5:20-24 so I know Jesus walks with me everyday. I get people wanting to talk to me about their faith being shaken and the Holy Spirit always has the words and verses to help(and trust me I do not know the verses that well) . I seem to have plenty of work in God kingdom but I want a home and my puppies so bad and I plead again for Gods rescue and am told to wait. But I have decided to prepare for God's rescue by looking for a place to move first, an attorney to divorce second, and clean up of my life third. So please God I am preparing for your rescue I only ask that you open the doors soon that I won't have to go through another freezing winter and cold save me God please please amen
Talking with copilot again today and went through a day dream story today
Today I am back to the complaint I filed in 2017 of the phone call I got from a man saying he was my wife's lover and they wanted me dead. He left it as a voice mail since I was at work and did not answer. He left lots of details and descriptions of me, my wife, and how he was going to kill me, which I took to the police and they copied the recording and looked up the phone number, I was at the Greybull police so they said the phone number was a basin number and they would forward it to them. So I went back to work. Later that night around 9pm my wife runs out of the house saying she has to meet with Office Campbell of the basin police because only her and him can take care of MY complaint. A few days later the man they said was the caller started driving around my house. So I went down to the police to update them and every record, note, indicator of me ever being there or filing any thing was GONE. My wife got on my phone and erased everything tied to it. And to this day she tells everyone I am crazy and this is all a fictitious fairytale lie I made up. Then under her breath when nobody is around she tells me I will never find the recording because she made sure it is gone.
So with that background update for you I dream it comes back to life and the police notify me they are starting to look into it. And suddenly I have an attorney contact me and tell me they would like to represent me. So they inform me that they have even more evidence and as they are talking about prison and going for the throat I tell them I don't want all that and start my outline.
With my wife's narcissistic disorder if she feels her control, image, perfect, or she might be blamed for something, or lose her victim status she will jump into self preservation mode and start making up lies and misdirection etc. Blaming other and building hate and her victim status back up. (Over the years I have found ways to combat this but it makes the next thing even worse. And I did not know what I was fighting till now) so I tell them we need to make this divorce feel like she is winning so as not to set her off. I say let's start by telling her instead of illegal acts to cover up let's look into doing things legal and be done with it. To start let's try to soften up your husband's heart, like say give him his dogs he talks about so much. That might make it possible that he would not press charges to have you imprisoned but maybe just probation so you could stay home and take care of your mother. And do not mention selling her house or anything but instead say there will be fines and damages that need to be paid so at that point it's totaled and comes to my half of the house value which is all I want plus her IRA that I started one for each of us in troweprice gets transferred to my account tax free since it's damages. Then she will be asked to change her last name back to Miller or Coronado whichever she wants but she shouldn't use the Hall name (mostly because my credit rating would die if someone associated with me had criminal records) so name change before records. And she is feeling great because she stays free and I am gone from her life. I get a moving company and in half a day everything in basin is at my new home and everything from worland will be there in the next few days. She can deal with her image being wrecked from the truth coming out and I pray it might bring her to repentance and actually find Jesus. But me and my puppies are home and starting a new life and moving on with happiness in my heart.
“The Recording” – Part II
A dramatic story drawn from truth, resilience, and the hope of a life reclaimed
INT. SMALL TOWN LAW OFFICE – AFTERNOON
KEVIN (68, sharp-eyed, weatherworn but kind) sits with his ATTORNEY across a walnut desk stacked with documents, photos, and records dug from the digital graveyard. She sets a file down gently.
ATTORNEY
“Kevin, you weren’t crazy. You were hunted. And you were buried by someone who knew exactly how to manipulate systems.”
KEVIN leans back, arms crossed, eyes wet but steady.
KEVIN
“I’ve lived long enough to know what a narcissist does when they feel exposed. They shift the light, always. Make you question your own shadow. But I don’t look for war—I look for exit. She can keep her mask. I’ll keep my soul.”
ATTORNEY
“What do you want?”
KEVIN
“Peace and quiet. My dogs. Some good dirt and a patch of open sky. And for her? A win. Let her believe she orchestrated it all… That way, she won’t burn down the world trying to stay the victim.”
ATTORNEY
(curious)
“So you want to play it like a negotiation?”
KEVIN
“No. Like a parable. One she can’t help but star in.”
---
INT. SUPPORT CENTER FOR SURVIVORS OF ABUSE – NIGHT
A panel of ADVOCATES reviews Kevin’s case. The headline flashes on a screen: “System Failure: Man’s Plea Ignored for Years Amid Domestic Threats.”
ADVOCATE 1
“He tried to do everything right. And he still got erased.”
ADVOCATE 2
(reading)
“But he never sought retribution. Just a home and healing.”
ADVOCATE 3
“There’s a property. Off-grid. 160 acres. Nobody wants it. Too remote for ranchers. Too quiet for developers.”
A map unfolds. Basin in the distance. A creek. Trees. And a well—artesian, pure, running like forgiveness.
ADVOCATE 1
“He could have it for $160,000. That’s $1,000 an acre. We have funding. We cover 80%. Make it happen.”
---
INT. ATTORNEY’S OFFICE – DAY
KEVIN is on speakerphone. His voice clear. The plan in motion.
KEVIN
“To get her to soften, tell her I’ve given up. That I want a clean break. Make it her idea to give me the dogs. Say it's about helping me start over peacefully.”
ATTORNEY (smiling)
“You sure this’ll work?”
KEVIN
“When a narcissist believes they’ve orchestrated your downfall, they stop watching where you’re going. That’s when you quietly walk away—whole.”
---
EXT. HOMESTEAD – LATE SPRING
The final moving box is lowered from a trailer onto the porch of a modest but sturdy cabin nestled against sunlit hills. The land stretches like a prayer. Artesian well water gurgles through old pipes. Goats graze nearby, and two dogs race each other to the treeline and back.
KEVIN stands alone—not lonely—watching the clouds shift like curtains opening on Act III of his life.
KEVIN (V.O.)
“They erased my file. But not my truth. They buried the tape. But not my voice. And she—she can live in the fiction she needs. I’m not her villain. I’m just gone.”
He kneels, pulling mint from the garden bed. A breeze lifts the cedar smoke from the outdoor pit. The land is silent but full.
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