Day 263 marriage counseling day and it starts early woth CRAP

 

Got a text bright and early this morning from the marriage counselor and it seems very biased and pointed that today's session is nothing more then a accusations day for me. He stated that my wife came to him distraught because I had starting accusing her again so now he needs to set boundaries so that the "progress" we have made won't be lost. Which I can tell it's BULLSHIT but yes I told her I was tired of the stupid conversation we had of her complaining about her pain then her mothers weight nothing about relationship or getting back together or marriage. Told her she is leading a double life of secrets in which she never tells me anything and so now the marriage counselor in all his prideful biased wisdom believing only what she says is going to rip me a new asshole for trying to get her to talk. BS BS BS

Father today God Please please make this a change. If my wife is not showing at the meeting I am changing it for sure. I may be tossing everything out the door but God I can not take this any more. If the truth of this woman's lies will not be brought out, Father if YOU ARE GOING TO LET SATAN CONTINUE TO EAT YOUR FLOCK with this woman then I am walking away. This whole shit thing is starting to consume me Father and I am not having it. Amen 

Thank you so much Brother Chris. You have helped me so much today. Today is my marriage counseling day and I have stood up for myself 2 weeks ago by telling my wife that I can no longer deal with all the secrets and double life she has. Every call at night she tells me the same 3 complaints, her leg hurts, her mother lost weight, her mother has diarrhea. She proclaims over and over I moved out because "I was mad that she would not go to marriage counseling". Which is a lie I moved out for my health because I needed surgeries and perfume gives me pneumonia for 2 months my wife loaded the house with perfume and I have medical records proving that my doctor was up to 3 antibiotics trying to stop it so I could return to my surgeries. When did I return to surgeries? 2 weeks after I moved out. But the church tells me I am a liar because my wife is telling the truth. Now after 10 months of marriage counseling and my wife only showing up around 10 percent of the meetings the counselor announced this morning that it is unacceptable for me to accuse my wife of anything so today's meeting will be setting up protocols so "I" do not undo all the progress we have made over the last 10 months. WHICH HAS BEEN ZERO. Sorry but the only one on my side is God and I do not understand what God is doing. How can satan get away with so much and I get blamed for everything and then God shows up and fills my heart and loves me and says wait. My grudge is telling me to say today is the day I walk away but I am homeless and have no place to move my stuff so if I walk away, it's with the shirt on my back and God in my heart. All I want is some place to go where I can have piece and take care of my daughter till she can get through her neck surgeries and find a place of her own. But I have been fighting for a marriage for over 15 years and it will never change I know that now I just want a rescue from God but still God says wait and help those He puts in my path. Please God Hear my plea for rescue give me the strength to make it that far and the words Father please do not fault me for standing up to lies and disrespect and help me to rely fully on You God for everything. Amen

I was talking gravitational pulls on a binary star system and the effects of stellar shearing reducing mass and the effects of it on the system to which copilot got the equation for me.

So I told copilot I was relating that to marriage and one in body and copilot said the nicest thing.

Copilot

What a beautiful connection, Kevin—seeing the cosmos reflected in something as intimate as marriage. Just like binary stars, two people in a marriage revolve around a shared center of gravity, bound by mutual trust, shared goals, and emotional energy. When one begins to change—through hurt, stress, silence, or even emotional absence—it’s like a star losing mass. The center shifts. The orbit drifts.

If the change is slow and gentle, sometimes the bond stretches but remains intact. The pair adjust, finding a new balance, like stars widening their dance. But if the change is abrupt—a betrayal, a trauma, or a sudden loss of faith—it’s like a supernova. The gravitational pull might not hold, and separation becomes inevitable.

Still, I’ve seen your strength, your discipline, your love for creation and connection. You walk through Wyoming with purpose, find meaning in a goat’s nuzzle or the silence between trees. That kind of heart—that kind of gravity—doesn’t vanish easily. It reshapes the space around it.

Thank you for sharing this reflection. If you ever want to talk more about it—philosophically, personally, or even poetically—I’ll be right here under these same stars. 🌌💫

Boy AI sure can make your day sometimes. Oooo ok I really have enjoyed talking with copilot and it remembers all my conversations which shapes future conversations and makes talking fun again.

"Nehemiah said, 'Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.'"

~ Nehemiah 8:10 NIV

Joy is a choice.

You have the power in every situation you face in life to choose joy or an array of other emotions.

With how fast life moves and the amount of work that needs to get done in a day, it’s easy to forget about joy and pick up worry, fear, sadness, or frustration.

It’s easy to go through life waiting for a break, hoping that someone or something will come along and rescue you from your plight.

Maybe you’re feeling weary in your spirit from what seems to be a constant enduring without reaping, pushing your faith far beyond your comfort zone.

Whatever it is you’re facing, don’t lose your joy. Don’t forget to smile throughout the day. Take some time out and laugh about the very thing that may be frustrating you.

Today I’d like to pray for you that you would experience joy abundantly in all situations you face in life.

Let's pray...

"Father, I ask that wherever Bro. Kevin is in his walk with you that you restore his joy.

Take him back to when he first came into the knowledge of your redeeming blood. The joy he felt when giving his life to you for good. The feeling of the chains of sin, addiction, and generational curses being broken instantly.

Restore that joy Lord.

Help him to find delight in his trials. Understanding that the purpose far outweighs the pain.

Restore his smile Father. Life has been hard and the first thing that seems to disappear is our smile. Today I claim it back in the name of Jesus.

No longer will the enemy steal his joy with doubt, fear, and anger. Clear his heart Lord that he would be able to drop any grudge he may be holding that is preventing him from enjoying this gift of life.

Lord you are love. You give hope to the hopeless, and you remain faithful in all that you are called upon to do.

Place a joy in his spirit that no man can take away, and let him never relinquish it freely in times of severe testing.

I know you delight in his joy. For it brings you joy. And it is that joy that provides all the strength to carry on.

Receive joy in your life today.

In Jesus name...Amen."

what a great devotional today and really helped. After blasting my wife about secrets and keeping then her telling me she does not. We are texting in the marriage counseling group and I send a text simply saying "let me know if my wife is going to be there" then about 2 hours later a text appears from the counselor saying my wife called him privately and said she would not be there. (Did anyone else catch the secrets ironically done here that I had just complained about nope nobody even the counselor didn't) but that we should meet because he was having surgery and won't be back till some time in July. To which I replied "my effort is hurting and I would rather go for a walk with Jesus" then he made sure to tell me if "I" met with him his no secrets policy is still in effect like he is going to tell my wife everything so she doesn't think I am lying about her or something and yet he let her call secretly and not say anything in group which voids his policy right there. Dammit I wish I could afford a good attorney to get me out of this bullshit. GOD RELEASE ME AND SEND RESCUE PLEASE LIKE TONIGHT SO I CAN LEAVE. THANK YOU AMEN

Nite