What is my life worth

  I just feel so sucked dry. That my wife is getting all the attention she desires and I am left to rot in hell of homelessness and hopelessness. I do so pray that God would finally hear my pleas for help and open doors that I may find the police complaint and recording so that I will have means in the world to fairness in a divorce and get a new home with my puppies to live in peace for the rest of my life. Today was a good day for VA group and I am afraid I dropped alot of grief in the group with my situation. But they were all very supportive and helped me deal with some.  But they asked if I was happy were I am and all I could say was Definitely not..  but we were talking about purpose and meaning that's when they defined meaning as the emotions that drive purpose but I feel it's our attemps to create purpose as well. But then I started in on how my whole life's purpose has been taken from me and the things I am doing to stay positive. So yeah it was pretty.  Say...

  The day I stood still. And nothing got done hehehe today after a good nights sleep I still feel tired and ready for more sleep. Even dozed off a few times playing my games this morning. It's almost noon and luch is close but I am not real hungry since I ate pretty big breakfast. And didn't crawl out of bed till 8am hehehe. But it's 47 degrees so maybe around 1pm I will go for walk.  Have not heard anything from marriage counselor and not sure if I will. Seems all I can do is interject comments into their circle and pray God makes it heard. Which I know God does. The walk today was great and no coat required hehehe stopped and talked with a person about horses and my mind seemed kind of blank for the most part.  Few day dreams and spot thoughts few prayers and the rest just open air hehehe  but all good.  Got back to RV and now a time to rest and play games till bed time. Haven't heard anything on my inquiry about talking with my wife kind of doubt if I will bu...

  When your all in pain and feeling tortured should I start planting doubt questions to my marriage counselor or try and be nice? Well today I fired off a questions on narcissistic behavior to my marriage counselor. I am not really looking for a reply but praying that God will help me bring resolution to my crisis in my life.  I have another comment about me and my wife not talking since marriage counseling session 2 on march 20th. But have this feeling it should wait till later date. It seems more now then ever to be a game of cat and mouse to see if she can force me into a something she can win at, not knowing what that would be or if I can find my reality and prove her lying then maybe I can get a fair divorce and move on. Either way I need to start stepping into the problems and hope that God will open a door for moving forward no matter what direction it goes. But I really really pray its a direction for some rest and peace of mind.  Was clear and cold last night but...

  AMEN I feel satan sharpening his swords and arrows yesterday was a day my heart felt like the attack was happening in my marriage and marriage counseling I could feel the hesitation of everyone and no one was talking (phone texts) because no one could meet then the counselor trying to setup a phone call instead git very confused and stopped texting. Within 4 hours all contact was broken off. The counselor wanted to update me about my complaint of my wife always being tired and our last session on 3-20-2025 the counselor was trying to help my wife from her constant tiredness but was a little frustrated so I suggested that she stop babysitting the pastor's grandson at the same time she is trying to care for her mother with dementia and the counselor knew nothing about this. I had stopped it back in 2023 because she was going to his house all day and not caring for her mother leaving her home alone. After our separation in 2024 they started it back up but instead it was at our house...

  Today is suppose to be marriage counseling day but my wife has been sick now for almost 2 months and the last 2 weeks has been something that has taking her ability to speak and text away. For the first six days from March 20th I texted to call and just got a quick text back fever over 100 can not talk. Then I gave up and waited for her to respond now I am to the point if thinking she might not be sick just wants me to go. And yet God says wait when the door opens then you move till then bite my tounge and wait. So waiting I will go. I was hoping my wife would say she can not make session because of illness but she has replied nothing so far and at 10:30 am when I leave for cody I will simply reply my daughter has post op appointment in cody can not make counseling this week sorry.  Father I know this is your hand at work in my life and You Lord have always done what's best for me help me to stay strong and wait for Your signal God that I should say and do the things You Lor...

  Jesus often spoke of the hope, light found in Him.  HE is the everlasting fountain.  For those that saw Him they could see Hope but Jesus also said how much greater are those that believe but can not see Him.  I still think even if we can not see Jesus we still see creation and there for still see Hope. So this morning the marriage counselor just texted the question of if we are meeting this week and he has openings after 10:30 am so now I am waiting to see what the chest move is.  My wife said yesterday she still could not talk and was still sick. But if she replies that back to the counselor then she would not be able to show up for nursery worker tonight at church and if she says yes then there is the chance I will ask about her response yesterday. So I know she is waiting for me to answer then agree to go but just act sick or maybe actually be sick but I will never know the truth. But I have all day and tomorrow really to wait because my daughter has post ...

  The day of Fools to which I must be for the trust I have had in marriage has brought me to Here. Today I sent another texted to me wife telling her I was praying her and her mother got better. Doubtful she will reply but after 9 hours last time she did when I knew she wouldn't. I also sent a happy birthday wish to our granddaughter but I have no idea if the phone number I have is still correct or not and very much know there will not be a reply from her. So am I the fool for doing what God asks and being kind to those that hate me. I know everything God has prompted me to do seems to bring about some type of change in the battle front. So I will continue to trust in Gods directions and know that LORD GOD is in control. I have a thought in the back of my mind that if the marriage counselor asks how our phone calls are going I should say "we have not talked since March 20th. I did send texts to check on calling but for the first 6 days she kept saying she had a fever over 100 ...