Day 196 I Kevin of mars

 


The day I stood still. And nothing got done hehehe today after a good nights sleep I still feel tired and ready for more sleep. Even dozed off a few times playing my games this morning. It's almost noon and luch is close but I am not real hungry since I ate pretty big breakfast. And didn't crawl out of bed till 8am hehehe. But it's 47 degrees so maybe around 1pm I will go for walk. 

Have not heard anything from marriage counselor and not sure if I will. Seems all I can do is interject comments into their circle and pray God makes it heard. Which I know God does.

The walk today was great and no coat required hehehe stopped and talked with a person about horses and my mind seemed kind of blank for the most part.  Few day dreams and spot thoughts few prayers and the rest just open air hehehe  but all good.  Got back to RV and now a time to rest and play games till bed time. Haven't heard anything on my inquiry about talking with my wife kind of doubt if I will but I hope it makes something visible to the counselor to push something to happen. GOD  is working all that out.

What a bad evening.  Talked with RV park owner tonight and he said in about another 2 weeks he will be ready to move me to back lot which won't be bad. He asked about hooking up water etc and I told him I want a house so bad that I am keeping just electric hooked up so if I find a place to live I am out of here. Not because of anything bad here but because I want a life. 

Father tonight I am so sad and lonely and feel so hopeless in my life GOD You are the only one that can bring about change and I so want change. GOD please please make tomorrow the start of change either completely change the heart and mind of my wife or open wide the door of a lawyer, complaint, recording, house, and moving people, and my puppies so that by the weeks end I may have a new home, life and my puppies.  Please please please FATHER GOD HELP ME I BEG OF YOU TO HELP ME.

I so badly just want to die and leave. I so badly just want to go.  I so badly want a new life. I so badly want a friend. I so badly want someone to talk to and hold hands with.

I think I will go to bed. Please God make tomorrow the day the doors open. Please please please please.

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