Day 195 Should I start asking questions?

 

When your all in pain and feeling tortured should I start planting doubt questions to my marriage counselor or try and be nice?

Well today I fired off a questions on narcissistic behavior to my marriage counselor. I am not really looking for a reply but praying that God will help me bring resolution to my crisis in my life.  I have another comment about me and my wife not talking since marriage counseling session 2 on march 20th. But have this feeling it should wait till later date. It seems more now then ever to be a game of cat and mouse to see if she can force me into a something she can win at, not knowing what that would be or if I can find my reality and prove her lying then maybe I can get a fair divorce and move on. Either way I need to start stepping into the problems and hope that God will open a door for moving forward no matter what direction it goes. But I really really pray its a direction for some rest and peace of mind. 

Was clear and cold last night but suppose to be up around 50 degrees today so maybe my walk will be warmer hehehe tomorrow is suppose to be the same. I noticed yesterday the RV park owner got the spot along the back fence cleared out. He said a few weeks ago he wants to move me back there and upgrade this entire south side to 50 amp connections so he can charge more and the back spot is only 30 amp which is all my RV is. It might be kind of nice cause it hides us from the highway and fairgrounds parking lot. Could be a tad bit quieter and might spark a bunch of buzz that I left hehehe. But my BIG day dream is when he asks me to move my police complaint comes back and I find an attorney to push through my divorce and my house in the country is found so I can get everything moved in and my puppies returned to me and not have to stay here. And then my attorney cleans up the legal matters and gets my property in worland sold and I end up with enough to pay most or all of my house (if it is not donated through habitat for humanity to a homeless veteran and his disabled daughter) like my day dream is. But I am so ready for this to happen hehehe.

Well God thank You for your love and guidance. The text I sent was never sent because it said the person was offline. I tried 3 times and then started praying. I came to the feeling that if it was satan stopping it and God allowed it, it would have gone straight through, but after 3 tries and not sent I realized GOD ALMIGHTY was blocking it because it did not need to be said yet. So I  pray thank YOU LORD for protecting me and guiding my dealings to match your will. I now feel that the confusion from yesterday is still in play and God is working and again I need to stand back and wait for God's timing.

Well that was Godly intervention hehehe. Thursday my daughter had an appointment in Cody so did not make marriage counseling but I waited till I was leaving before saying anything. I wanted to see if my wife would cancel another session from sickness. Well they all held out but after I sent the message the counselor texted back stating he had talked to my wife and wanted to have at least a phone call meeting. Which he said he had talked to the pastor and sali about the pastor having my wife babysitting his grandson all the time and then her complaining constantly about being so tired in marriage counseling from only taking care of her mother. The marriage counselor did not know anything about the babysitting so after talking to them both he wanted to update me on their discussion during the phone call. My spider sense went sky high that satan was forming a major attack. I told him the times I would be available and when I would be back to Basin. His next text started he would let my wife know and hopes she is feeling ok. (Which he started the first text with he had talked to her that morning) so now my spider sense was shaking trees and the confusion in the text grew worse the 3rd text and stopped. There were no more texts Thursday or Friday. Which gave me great relief because I KNEW GOD WAS PROTECTING ME. This morning I felt the urger to send a text to the marriage counselor about the narcissistic behaviors of my wife exclusively point 6 which talks about their need to make those you love ie children, friends etc turn against you so their maintain there self esteem by being better than you. (Something my wife excels at). So I typed up the text and sent it. In a few minutes I get a notification saying text was not sent person may be offline. So I try 2 more times. And still no go. I then start to wonder if satan was blocking it. Prayed a while and then God said satan does not have more power then God. If God wanted it to go through it would have and so GOD STOPPED IT because it does not need to be said at this time. So now I realized God is working and protecting me and again God's hand is on my chest saying wait my child the time is not yet. Some times it is tough to wait but I am soooooo thankful God helps me.

Went for a nice long walk today little cool 50 degrees but next week is back in the 60s and 70s Woo-hoo so will be nice. After my 5.5 mile walk my daughter thought she would like to make a walk and so we did 1 mile so total today was 6.5 miles hehehe but was nice. 

So after playing some games this afternoon and day dreaming of house and new life I thought God blocked my first message but I wonder about a little different message just to update him. So I sent this.

Counselor 

Was just wondering if you made contact with my wife. We have not talked since March 20th and it's do to some high temperature she has. She kept telling me no she could not talk. I have been waiting for her to tell me she is OK but haven't heard anything if she can talk or not. Praying she is OK. Thanks Kevin 

And that message seems to have went right through so I know God is ok with that one. I am just so amazed at how God works and keeps me in line sometimes it just makes me stand back and feel so overwhelmed of God's love and protection 

The night is darkening and cold is coming. Supposed to be in the teens again tonight which is cold hehehe so bundle up