Day 197 I feel that I am being sucked dry

 


I just feel so sucked dry. That my wife is getting all the attention she desires and I am left to rot in hell of homelessness and hopelessness. I do so pray that God would finally hear my pleas for help and open doors that I may find the police complaint and recording so that I will have means in the world to fairness in a divorce and get a new home with my puppies to live in peace for the rest of my life.

Today was a good day for VA group and I am afraid I dropped alot of grief in the group with my situation. But they were all very supportive and helped me deal with some.  But they asked if I was happy were I am and all I could say was Definitely not..  but we were talking about purpose and meaning that's when they defined meaning as the emotions that drive purpose but I feel it's our attemps to create purpose as well. But then I started in on how my whole life's purpose has been taken from me and the things I am doing to stay positive. So yeah it was pretty. 

Says it's 62 degrees out so by the time I head out for a walk should be getting closer to the 70 mark which will be cutoffs and sandals time. 


My daughter has counseling today and her new cell phone is here so should be a great day for her.

It was hard to admit how sad I am about having my soul purpose of loving and caring for my wife being ripped away and even harder because she is the one throwing me away. It really hurts to know this and yet to have her sit in marriage counseling and say she wants our marriage to get back together knowing she is lying just hurts me to no end. And the counselor doesn't even see it. 

Spent the rest of the day my daughter working on her new phone and not having much luck and me walking my 5+ miles. I did send a text to my wife saying I was praying for her but that was it. No response yet today and it's way past any time she would respond and no response from the marriage counselor on if he talked to her because I sure can't I guess they are all upset that I pointed out the babysitting for her pastor and her constant tiredness and so I am now the ultimate enemy hehehehe 

Anyway long day and lots of day dreams about getting a free home and still haven't got one yet so kind of doubt it will ever happen. So heading to bed and games for the night praying some nice sweet lady knocks on my RV door and says "she saved my dogs because my wife tried to put them down and they are out at her house and she gives me her address out in country by Burlington and says let's start moving you out there. So then I have a place to move my stuff and live for a bit out side of town and spend the days with my puppies. Man I sure miss them.

Good night

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