What is my life worth

  How long must I wait for change. I want a retirement life. I would like a spouse. I want a flower bed to care for. I would love my puppies. Today I see none of this in my future. My futures seems homeless, bleak and pitiful. How much longer God must I endure. Daily devotional was great today. "This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed. " ~ Habakkuk 2:3 NLT It’s the waiting that’s hard. You may have named it and claimed it. Released faith to obtain it. And even received a revelatory word from God himself that it is yours. But you will still have to wait for it. God does not operate in the same time as we do. He is not called into action by overdue bills, insufficient funds in your bank account, or the latest sales. God operates in the time required to bring your seed sown into full harvest. The problem is you don’t know the time required f...

  So let us be outstanding in what ever field we find ourselves in. Today I got a morning text from my wife not much else. I sent her back a picture from my walk which it's been 4 hours and she still has not read the text so pretty sure she won't till and if she decides to call tonight. I am not prompting calls if they happen it will be on her.  Anyway the walk was good and really warm. Think it was a little above 85 which isn't to bad for me because I love the heat and it also is when rattlesnakes are hiding in shade so safer hehehe. The cows were crazy today and full of spit hehehe which is always fun.  After the walk I came back to RV and crashed because I was sore and tired today. I only have 3 more kilometers to finish off the 1025 kilometers challenge so tomorrow should finish that Woo-hoo.  It's night again and windows still open hehehe but thinking it's time to close things up and climb into bed.  See everyone tomorrow 

  Well marriage counseling went as I had prayed so all glory to God for a meeting with no condemnation which was nice but also no resolve so I am doubting if the marriage will work or not. I could tell that the counselor had talked to my wife and knew her side of Mondays phone call when I asked about having a personal conversation and she said will happen just take a long time.   But the day is suppose to be warmer and almost hot hehehe so will be nice day for a walk. I asked my wife what happen with her leg if that was not to much personal information but all I got back was a very very vague response. Today is nice and hot and so snakes will be hiding since this one was out around 7pm while it was cooling down. But my buddy from VOA is coming over and we'll walk for a bit and talk. It is always good to have him to talk to.  The walk was good with my friend and then I did my normal walk so I could get some miles on the challenge hehehe.  Had to stop on first lap...

  It's 4am and I am so afraid of marriage counseling today. I know if it happens I need to go because God says to show up and He will protect me and guide me but I know its going to be a blood bath fight with satan I can just feel it in my bones and I so badly badly want it over.  Father God I pray today that you walk in front of me today clear the path and protect me from all the lies and keep my as your child. Feel my heart Lord with Your love and peace and show me the path I need to walk on to get through the fire I am about to walk into. Only from Your power God will I walk out the other side alive and I pray Father that Your love will carry me through it. Stop the lying tounge of satan in all people today Father and instead make the truth be spoken and the past truth of lies covering lies may come forth today Lord. This I pray in Jesus name amen "If the Lord had not been on our side— let Israel say— if the Lord had not been on our side when people attacked us, they would ...

  Well it seems that asking the question last night as to if my wife thought we would ever be able to have a loving personal relationship and conversation was to much and since I pointed out how much the marriage counselor limits me to say and that I  am told I am bad for going outside the scripted talk guidelines. It stopped all communicating with her. I never got any goodnight or text and nothing this morning so I am betting my wife is waiting to talk with her pastor friend and marriage counselor to see what they think I am thinking and have them help her make me a drone, mindless, non emotional drone to fit her perfect life style that only other are good enough to live for her.  Father please guide me and give me wisdom to get through this world of lies and accusations. Help me to glorify You God and still be a human with some dignity. I am wearing so tired Father and just want a green field to lay down in and rest. Father fill my heart with Your love and joy since nob...

  Thoughts of distrust seem to burn in my mind. And then the things that go with it. But my PI did contact me today and said he found a separate company that keeps track of all the basin police actions and so he is requesting information from them to see what they might have. I mean certainly God would not let the truth be hidden for ever. Because if I know it happened and I lived through it and now my wife has the world eating out of her hands of lies then there is no way I can go back to a marriage that is based soley on her getting away with lying and everyone believing her lies and everything I say would be false no matter how true they may be. I do not think this would be a very good life or relationship. Still cool around the 50s and so may be a walk today or maybe just another day on the couch hehe So took a walk anyway because the troubled mind was getting troubled more. Only made 3 miles but did a little good. Still felt down and then I got a text from my PI and he pretty ...

  Nothing like seeing a lady pushing her baby carriage in the clouds hehehe.  So May the 4th be with you came and went and now its Cinco DeMyo day not that I remeber what is celebrated on it but tump will toss it out I am sure since it is not white supremacy worthy hehehe It's rather cold today so probably won't get much walking in but my daughter has a doctors appointment at 1 so we decided to walk up early and have lunch at copper corner Cafe which was good and then went and sat in the library while she met with doctor. Will probably head back and maybe make a round or 2 of the fairgrounds to get my 6000 steps in then go sit on the couch and relax for the rest of the day. Nope got back from lunch and 56 degrees with major wind chill was down to like 40 so I flagged my 4000 steps as good and stayed warm hehehehe.  Still have concerns about this meeting my wife at least 3 times a week which we had a short walk after marriage counseling and then a walk Saturday which she p...