Day 226 2sday mmm so tomorrow should be 3sday

 

Thoughts of distrust seem to burn in my mind. And then the things that go with it. But my PI did contact me today and said he found a separate company that keeps track of all the basin police actions and so he is requesting information from them to see what they might have. I mean certainly God would not let the truth be hidden for ever. Because if I know it happened and I lived through it and now my wife has the world eating out of her hands of lies then there is no way I can go back to a marriage that is based soley on her getting away with lying and everyone believing her lies and everything I say would be false no matter how true they may be. I do not think this would be a very good life or relationship.

Still cool around the 50s and so may be a walk today or maybe just another day on the couch hehe

So took a walk anyway because the troubled mind was getting troubled more. Only made 3 miles but did a little good. Still felt down and then I got a text from my PI and he pretty much said he did not find anything but said the sheriff's office keeps a copy of all the records of basin PD so he sent me a request form. I filled it out and described what when and where I was looking for and emailed it to them. Not sure if it will produce anything more but worth a try. 

My phone call with my wife was a big disappointment.  I asked her if she thought we would ever be able to have a personal relationship conversation and after telling her what I ment like talk about our desires about each other and with each other and our future with each other ki d of share our lives instead of the refrigerator shopping lists we pretend to have every night. She only replied "Yes I think we can but it will take time" so I asked how much time did she think. And so she asked me about what I wanted to say. And I told her I  only allowed to talked about scriptures and shopping list items because all the men she talks to about what I mean for everything I say don't know me and so she get bad advice and I get blamed for talking about stuff I should not talk about. So she said who would do that. So I told her that the marriage counselor tells me all the time how bad I am and that I should never had texted her this or that. And then he even called me a liar because I use a plural of a word in a sentence instead of a singular sense so therefore the entire sentence was a lie. Grrrrrrrr. 

God please tell me why there is so much lying going on and erased information that my wife keeps informing me she has it all erased so I will never find it. And they keep building this fake, lying reality and I am the one hated for speaking the truth. What am I to learn from this when I see satan eating the sheep day by day and the only stop would be the truth what am I to do, learn, say.  Father please lift me away from this endeavor and give me rest in your arms that I may be safe and protected from satans onslaught.  Amen