Day 227 oops guess I messed up again


 

Well it seems that asking the question last night as to if my wife thought we would ever be able to have a loving personal relationship and conversation was to much and since I pointed out how much the marriage counselor limits me to say and that I  am told I am bad for going outside the scripted talk guidelines. It stopped all communicating with her. I never got any goodnight or text and nothing this morning so I am betting my wife is waiting to talk with her pastor friend and marriage counselor to see what they think I am thinking and have them help her make me a drone, mindless, non emotional drone to fit her perfect life style that only other are good enough to live for her. 

Father please guide me and give me wisdom to get through this world of lies and accusations. Help me to glorify You God and still be a human with some dignity. I am wearing so tired Father and just want a green field to lay down in and rest. Father fill my heart with Your love and joy since nobody else will. Amen

Yep haven't heard a word all day from my wife or the marriage counselor so might not even have marriage counseling any more or for that matter may not have a marriage anymore hehehe. 

Anyway I got 8.5 miles in today and was nice clear day to walk with lots of sun and cool breeze so yep was nice. As I walked through the WRC today I noticed they are pulling some BIG electric cables and installing some electric vehicle charge stations so betting they are getting an electric transport bus which will save them buku bucks hehehe 

Got a text tonight from my wife that states she does not feel like talking tonight have a good night. Well don't that beat all now she is stealing my thunder hehehehe. I am so sick of this shit and dreading marriage counseling tomorrow since I know it will be all about how bad I am that even Jesus tore up my adoption papers. So guess I will be headed to the the lower courts to see if one of the arc angels will adopt me into their kingdom level. It just sucks to be so bad around so many perfect people.

I just want to start walking tomorrow and not stop till the sun goes down. Pretty sure if the counselor decides he need to talk to me alone and asks my wife to leave I am going to insist she should stay and hear what he needs to say to me and if he disagrees then I will walk out and keep walking. I do know I am not accepting a ride home with my wife tomorrow because I want to head to the badlands and yell at God. GOD I JUST DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY MY WIFE LIES AND TAUNTS ME ABOUT NOT FINDING THE EVIDENCE SHE HAS DESTROYED CAN GO ON LIKE THIS AND I GET PUNISHED FOR IT AND CALLED LIAR PLEASE PLEASE GOD BRING TRUTH TO LIGHT THAT WILL STOP THE TORMENT OF MY SOUL PLEASE PLEASE LORD.  Amen


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Year 1.4 soot sooty

Image
  This is the day the Lord has made. I still am upset that this day will pass so quickly and I will have nothing to reflect upon except the speed at which it went by. I am still homeless and lonely and praying for help and rescue yet the adversary is still parading around and gleaming in the happiness of their lies and getting everything the world can give them while I scrape to survive and pray for every speck of love God will give me. I watch as the people around increase in violence and rage and hangings and shootings and assassination threats become the everyday normal. People killing each other without regard to other lives and all for the idea of a skin color, a monetary status, a better idea of life, etc. God is shut away and satan rules the lives around me. I am hated and isolated for the peace of God comfort and protection. There is no way God will fix my marriage because the hate and attempted murder. God will keep me away by their hate to protect me. There is no way God ...
Read more

Year 1.178 noise noise

Image
  This mornings daily devotional email was in my inbox today so the battle rages on. This morning the noise is loud and I mean loud. Starting at 5am cars starting and reving up and car alarms going off and sirens racing past the camper. All with the level like they were inside beside me. The noise and busy still echo and pound and the world is trying to be noticed. It's like satan is driving the point of the associate pastor in the police car straight at me. But God let's a devotional email through this morning about using Gods lens on the out come of our world.  No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. ~ 1 Corinthians 9:27 NIV The saying "mind over matter" is missing one word—spiritual. It should read "spiritual mind over matter," but the overlying theme remains true no matter the version you use. This phrase speaks to the power of your thoughts and how all ...
Read more

Day 244 the memorial day weekend whoppee

Image
  Maybe I am just seeing the negative in my marriage and wanting it to end. Should I be concerned that my wife does not respect me. Should it not bother me that she only talks to other men and leaves the house to stand in the yard so I can't hear. Should I care that she doesn't talk to me at all about anything to do with other people and that her social media life is totally a secret life from me. Should I worry that she tells other family members to hate me and try to drive me away.  It just seems so hard to be in a world like this and think that is what God wants for me.  Today's devotional was about hopes and this is my hope. This is soooo true and everyday when I go on my walks Jesus is right there loving me the whole walk. And I see it weather it's the dogs that run to the fences with toys and wagging tails just to see me wave hi or the squirrels sitting on fence posts watching do pushups. Or the horses and cows running up the fences for a good head scratch.  Je...
Read more