What is my life worth

  Brrrr it's kind of chilly start to February which we usually start this stuff right after Christmas hehehe. So as I have mentioned yesterday about my confusion and direction that is possed from my wife's questions and actions. I wake this morning to the feeling I should write an lament and plead with God for His will to shine through. I feel as if the marriage counselor suggested she start trying to get me to come to church with her and she is jumping on THAT band wagon then it would explain completely her response to my telling her some people are saying saving the church relationship will fix my marriage but the opposite is biblical. To which she replied "who said that". Not oh that's right or yes I understand that or yes this is suppose to be biblical. More to the reply that she thought I over heard their conversation.  which is now saying someone is trying to hide something or save their bacon by getting me back to their side instead of breaking the relation...

 Cold and snow covered and I have wound care in cody. That was a trip to cody today. For the most part the highways were clear but cody town was 4 wheel drive hehehe. Wound care is down to every 2 weeks and my daughter is approved for surgery and they said they could get her a week in rehab center since we live in RV to make sure the metal pins start building and mot snap out. This makes me very happy. I am still troubled about my wife though. It just still bothers me that she seemed to ask after she spoke alone with the marriage counselor if I was ever coming back to her church and when I replied about people thinking my relationship with church will fix my marriage but to be biblical fixing my marriage may rebuild my relationship with her church. But also her call on Sunday to say have a good day makes me feel that the marriage counselor must have told her she needs to get me coming back to her church to save her marriage. I see God working but just lost. I still plead with God t...

  Yes monday and 6 inches of snow already hehehe Which makes the run to the bathroom colder and longer hehehe. But I am at day 1 of my 4th straight week for getting my steps goal in and I am going to walk hehehe. The walk today was tough. Almost 8 inches of snow is hard to push through. Yes yesterday was almost 45 and looked like this. And today it's like this atv4 degrees. And I looked like this hehehe   But it was a good walk and pushed through. Tomorrow is wound care in the cody area so fun fun. Praying they have the roads cleared by tomorrow. Now I am back in RV and warming up. Guess I will play some games. Well tonight was another first for the wife call. I texted her and asked if she I could call her or if she was to sick and needed rest. All her reply was is she still needs rest so don't call and her mother hasn't eaten for 2 days so pray for her as well. I am really starting to wonder what is going on. Could she be this sick and her mother is to that she can't t...

    It was a cold  cloudy day in February and the thoughts of snow lumed in the day outside. Hehehehehe well playing my game and it seems there might be a change working. I have been praying for strife and blocking of communication between my wife and her pastor because by getting her attention off him and letting her see how badly he has been using her as well as others maybe she will move towards her marriage. Then after all these months of don't contact her on sundays or Wednesdays she called this morning to tell me she was getting ready for church and wanted to say good morning and hope I have a good day also. This is nice and I know it's a sign from God that He is working but I also seem to have caution grabbing me because of the statement she made after marriage counseling about do I think I will ever return to her church. I told her it depends because some people are saying restoring my relationship with the church would save our marriage which is not biblical but ...

  Wait is that 3 finger bones up there hehehe I must have caught the sunrise reaching out.  Welcome to day 1 if month 2 hahaha I do have things I am thinking of to try and get my wife to talk about her heart feelings from scriptues but I also think she won't want to listen since she hasn't our entire marriage. And now more then ever she wants to only talk to another man and not me, so once again I find myself pleading with God to put strife and break all communicating and feelings of attention between my wife and the other man. Bring them to total discord and anger towards each other. Father force her to turn her attention to her marriage and work there towards it instead of away with him.  As I was thinking last night the word betrayed seems to come to my mind about my marriage.  So I looked up some verses and this is what I found and it was pretty good. Here’s 10 Verses for When You Feel Betrayed- 1. God is always there. He will never betray you . For my fathe...

  Today   I find myself pleading with God today to not only break the connection between my wife and the pastor of her church but to harden their hearts against each other and build major strife that they would hate talking or sharing or being around each other. Please please oh Lord make this happen soon so that her heart would start to turn back to her marriage if this is Your will. I am still frustrated with the question yesterday in counseling about if I had made any progress on my abusive anger and hate. Its IS completely going off of what she says and there is nothing totally nothing about the truth. But thats ok because God has been working on me to stop obsessing about my love for her and start working in a life with Him. But that leads me to question what the outcome is for my marriage. So as an experiment I thought would just type in my feelings into an AI art program and see what it came up with. I am feeling confused about the direction my life is going and ho...

  First marriage counseling of 2025 since marriage counselor has been gone for a month. I think I am prepared for most everything but I am still praying the Holy Spirit will guide me and give me words to say and wisdom to act that will benefit God's plan and not my wants. Well the friend from church called back so it seems that God is still working but I am still not sure of the steps so as mentioned before I am praying the Holy Spirit guides me. Yesterday this hole opened in the sun and looked right at earth. Guess I better check the aurora borealis forecast hehehe Well it doesn't look like there will be much g rating storms from the hole in the sun but still awesome picture hehhee Today was marriage counseling day and I stopped at a friend's house and fixed their computer for them on the way to meeting. But the session went pretty good for the most part. When I was asked if I was making headway on my abusive hate and anger like maybe only 2 times a week or so I was proud ...