Day 130 The sun may be angry.

  First marriage counseling of 2025 since marriage counselor has been gone for a month. I think I am prepared for most everything but I am still praying the Holy Spirit will guide me and give me words to say and wisdom to act that will benefit God's plan and not my wants.

Well the friend from church called back so it seems that God is still working but I am still not sure of the steps so as mentioned before I am praying the Holy Spirit guides me.

Yesterday this hole opened in the sun and looked right at earth. Guess I better check the aurora borealis forecast hehehe

Well it doesn't look like there will be much g rating storms from the hole in the sun but still awesome picture hehhee

Today was marriage counseling day and I stopped at a friend's house and fixed their computer for them on the way to meeting. But the session went pretty good for the most part. When I was asked if I was making headway on my abusive hate and anger like maybe only 2 times a week or so I was proud to say I haven't been angry since I moved out. So then he asked how our talking was going and she (my wife) replied just fine, but I told him I could tell him everything about her mother and nothing about her because we never talk about anything. So the counselor started in on finding out what level of communication we were at. Sadly to say we were not even to level 1 and he thought we were at level 2 touching into level 3. So he started into telling us what we needed to talk about like emotional stuff and feelings and that did not set well with my wife. And then he pointed out she is very very passive and praying for God to do something and then blaming him if it doesn't happen because she doesn't want to do any part of it. And she says I never blame God for anything. But then starts into saying how she just doesn't have time to deal with scriptures or bible or me because she is to busy. The counselor asks about making a small amount of time every day when her daughter is home to read the Bible and she says no. So yeah she blames God for everything and does not want to do anything for the marriage and I could feel his frustration over the answers. So he gave her some home work to journal and write her prayers down to go back over them. I asked her what she journaled and she said she only writes down verses when she can so 6 months of Journaling was about 2 small diary pages hehehe I told her she might want to write down feelings and emotions everyday and try to describe them in detail like I have been doing and she asked how much I write and I told her almost a small book every day. Then I told her about Journaling my emotions and feelings so I can write laments which makes it even more open for them. And she seems to have no problem talking about this stuff to her preacher or taking care of his grandson child which she did not mention to the marriage counselor. Seems odd she would not let him know anything about her extra activities hahaha. Anyway there seems to be a ton of things we are suppose to be talking about and she refuses so I  am wondering were this is going to go. Then the marriage counselor asked me to leave, cause he wanted to talk to my wife after session alone. Which I'm sure it had to do with talking me into coming back to church because on the drive to my place she asked if I thought I would ever come back to church there and I told her it would depend on my marriage. I said there seems to be certain people at her church that think my marriage would be saved if I restored my relationships with the church but sadly to say the only way my relationships with the church will only be restored if my marriage is saved. The next words out of her mouth was who said that to which I replied it is not important because I am not looking for someone to blame for my troubles or your ignorance. I was merely stating facts. That pretty much ended the day with her, so I came home finished some laps around the fairgrounds and got my steps in. Although the call tonight was a lot longer since we lightly so lightly touched on what to do about writing down emotions and feeling hehehe but still a better level 1 talk on the counselors scale hehehe

Guess I will play some games and head to day dream land again.

See you all for the last day of January 2025.