What is my life worth

  I wonder what and if there is a true happiness of being alone. I mean I can go for walks and talking to myself and be content, and day dreaming certainly makes me happy key note being me. But I do know I am never ALONE because God is always with me and many times while walking or sitting idle He jumps in and starts talking.  But I do miss a passionate glance, a squeeze of my arm, or a long hug but those have been missing from my life for so many years it seems they are only in day dreams any more. I miss my puppies so much but I know my wife loves having the power over me because I have no place to keep them and that I miss them so bad.   They are Shamira first and Sarah second and they are sooooo loveable and fun. Sarah loves to help with all projects she even grabs my work gloves if I sit to long and says let's go work in the yard hehehe Shamira is a very caring and watchful dog she knows who is having difficulty like being sick or hurt and will stay by that person an...

  Been awake almost alright think I fell to sleep from 4 to 5:20 so tired this morning. Had group counseling with VA this morning which went well but got me thinking of mybwalk away point and was thinking I do not believe my walking away from marriage if the death threat was found would be a revenge thing. I believe it would point out that I was telling the truth and that she lied and deceived everyone but more the call makes sure I knew he was her lover and she wanted me dead. Which would mean all this blame she is casting on me for the failed marriage would shift and I could divorce her with peace of mind knowing mine is still intact. Anyway have a long drive to cody for wound care and check to see how close I am to ready for skin graft. Then back home for another great phone call with the wife as she tells me how bad her 90 year old mother hurts her by hitting her with her walker and stepping on her toes. I am almost expecting to hear her say she is in fear for her life from her...

  So awake most of the night since 1am got to sleep around 11pm and now its almost 5am. My nanobots didn't come alive and build me a house to move into and the police never showed up to say they found the recording of my death threat. The wind just came up and is howling outside the RV so I am betting its starting to snow and get coooold. Thinking I may challenge the cold and snow and run across the parking lot for a shower today. I have wound care tomorrow so if water gets on my back and messes up the bandage I will only need a temporary bandage till monday. So much to think about and so many things to dream for yet what is it all for but a process of passing time so we can look back to say we thought today therefore we are. That sounds real sci-fi type stuff hehehe guess I will toss and turn for couple hours and cook breakfast. After a good breakfast I have done the dishes and waiting on church services to start. Today is my 24 wedding anniversary as if that makes a difference be...

Although I would probably be tossed out of the RV park hehehe but more snow they say for the next 2 days and if I am careful not to get my back wet wound care says I can touch water hehehe. I believe I am correct in that my wife's night visit with the officer to FIX my death threat complaint was switched to a prank phone call under her name or names and I imagine the sound recording would still be attached which mentions my name and all the info to prove he is my wife's lover and how he is going to kill me but now how to find a officer or someone to help search for it. Trouble sleeping last night since it seems were the skin is attaching to the meat on my back creates a bruise and yep it hurt just like one too. On with the day. Went over to the food bank to get a box of food today and since I walked they marked a spot in the line of cars that I should wait for and so I ended up volunteering help for the hour while I waited hehehe it was good and got to talk a little bit with fo...

 Well, it's 1 am and I am lying here awake trying to ponder things that go through my head. I keep thinking about the complaint I filed with the police how it disappeared and how I can be hated by so many and living in this RV while the person who tells me I made up my fairytale life then tells me when no one is around that I will never find the proof of her attempted murder because she made sure it is gone (here is a thought I just had, what if she got this changed to a prank phone call to HER so there would not be anything tied to my name. NOW HOW CAN I CHECK IT because she told me the next day it was just a prank phone call from a drunk ) can have so much kindness thrust on her. I do pray alot and I have been praying for guidance in this and yes God has been faithful and giving ALOT of guidance and protection through out all of this as a matter of fact he is the one that has been saving me. In july God put the notion I needed to move out in my head and when I missed too many sur...

So today the wind blew and the snow fell. Made some coffee and ran across the parking lot to use the restroom. Sat and played games on cell phone then around 9am the sun came out. They say it might make 30 degrees today which would make the walk really nice but we will see. Was hoping to figure out how to add pictures but so far I get media manager with no option to insert pictures. Found it Woo-hoo so when I am out walking I run into lots of friends I do have this gal being one of them and we was proving the old saying wrong. You know the one that says "you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but you can't pick your friends nose" well yes you can hehehehe Monday when I was coming home from wound care the clouds were trying to sneak across the bad lands hehehe So this is pretty much my day as a lonely rv guy. Did manage to walk 2.91 miles today and got my 3 sets of 40 pushups in along the way. Now I'm  back to the rv and doing nothing. One thing I like is...

So I was thinking what could I do to fight the loneliness that has gripped my life. I guess I should first give a little background to get to this spot. I have been married for 25 years and the last 7 have been the worst years of my life. Important Note here back in the 1990s I was caught in a oil field accident with H2S gas and burned my lungs inside. Since then the new tissue (and this is pure speculation) is very sensitive to perfumes with phiaramones or cigarette smoke etc. Within 2 hours of being exposed I will have pneumonia within a day my lungs with be filling up. But cleaning products dont seem to effect me not sure why. Anyway on with the show, my wife and I started drifting apart back in 2015 she seemed more interested in other men and social media then me. By 2017 we had stopped talking except every time she would tell me, I bought her a gift she did not like it or that I would  suggest something and some guy told her to do this instead and that is what she will do and ...