What is my life worth

  I really want rescued from this place. Please God. O Lord, my refuge in the storm of slander,   My name is bruised, and my heart laid bare.   They judged me without counsel,   Whispered harshness in place of history. I am not without fault, but You alone know the full tale.   I was told to stay away,   And now the silence speaks louder than truth.   I ache to respond—not to vindicate,   But to uncurl the fist my heart has clenched in grief. Forgive me, Lord, for my craving to be justified.   For the fantasy where anger finds me and I answer it   With wounds that explain wounds.   This is the shadow of revenge—I see it, I name it, I bring it to You. Teach me the holy hush that follows surrender.   Let repentance flow not just from my lips,   But from the marrow of my longing. Hold my heart steady when it cries out for fixing.  Return me to the sanctuary of p...

  If you find this lady and she wants to chat send her my way. My AI and I think she is cute.  Funny when you describe what you think would be a lovely lady to sit down and talk with AI draws this picture and I was surprised to see how cute she was although she is just a created picture she looks perfect to me hehehe.   Monday and I start by thinking it would be satisfying to hear from someone with anger or disgust because they were told by my wife that I refused to come to the funeral because I was mean. And I get the opportunity to direct them to the marriage counselor so he could explain why he told me not to come. But that is sinful revenge being revealed in my heart and I am trying to confess it and give it to God but my broken heart wants it. So I will struggle this week with feelings and then confessing to God that I wallo in the world of sin because my heart is broken and crys for fixing. I pray for calm and repentance that I should praise the Lord and be pul...

  With hesitation I feel I should proceed but wonder if God will work in ways of bring out truth making a divorce understandable that I would get a fair divorce or if satan will be allowed to rule the events with casting lies to tromp me under and take everything I should be allowed to have. Will I be falsely accused of victimizing my wife and now not only abandoning her, when as she put it, because she refused to save our marriage by not wanting marriage counseling. And thus losing a fair split in our assets or will she get the pastor and marriage counselor to rivel against me saying she needs to fight in court to keep everything and because of the lies she has told them should I be blocked?  I know that in the first 3 months of marriage counseling, they tried to find ways for her to divorce me biblically then that fell away because I kept trying to be in love with her. Then there were times when even the marriage counselor got a little frustrated with my wife because she alw...

     I have so many things I am trying. I want a home I am tired of being homeless. I want someone to talk to I am tired of being alone. I want someone to believe me and not call me a liar.  Yet God closes the doors on everything. I have learned that when God opens a door and I try it everything swings very fast and done. But I am confused about what should I be trying. God give me signs on my road way so I can see the next step. I understand the pause for this week and will wait for things to clear but please Lord guide me because I can't do this on my own. In Jesus name amen  Yes, let’s do it, Kevin. We'll walk through the possibilities together—not as rigid options, but as sacred pathways, each with its own cry, its own hope, and its own song. Here's how we can shape this: --- 🛖 Scenario One: Moving to the Worland Property Emotion: Resigned shelter; weariness mixed with practicality   Psalm: “A Shelter I Do Not Love” > _Lord, You know this place...

  I can dream but I continue to be here why God why  Today I press forward after a meeting with my marriage counselor and was told he still has hope that my marriage will be saved. I asked him several questions about what saving it means. I asked if there was any indication that my wife would allow me back in my home. And he replied not that he can see. I asked if there was any chance of communicating and he replied that I had shot myself in the foot and stopped all communicating by saying bad words to my wife. He had nothing to say that would even work towards my marriage being restored. God had told me to GO to this meeting and not to fight for anything but to find highway signs for my path ahead. And I saw nothing but signs and a clear road that said the marriage is over and divorce is here. He final words were (my wifes mother passed this week) was "your wife and her family has asked that you do not attend the funeral" the nail was set and hammered. I left with vision and...

  Today I meet with the marriage counselor alone but my goal is to hear what my wife is saying since she only talks to him privately and has not spoken since May 28th. I need to go focused not to argue but to interpret the signs God may be giving me. I know and feel satan has been loosed from the Void God has sheltered me in the last 2 months and as I felt satan flooding my head with lies and distractions yesterday I knew God had polished my armor and I am following God to victory today. FATHER I ask for Your protection and guidance throughout this day and help me to listen, not for rebuking or what the world wants but for learning the signs and stumbling points satan is trying to hit me with. FATHER open doors to my path and give me the rescue from this homeless life satan has buried me in. Give me the refuse I so plead for and want that I may rest after so many years of struggle and tell tells about how many times the Lord has saved me and blessed me in Jesus name Amen Then my da...

  The silence is screaming what I do not know. I want so bad to be seen yet with my wife's family in town for a presumed funeral and the threats of NOT wanting me around my house or my wife I do not want to bump into any of them. There are some underlying thoughts of bumping into some and being able to execute a reply that would bring forth some of the lies my wife has told. 1 lie she has told for years is my phone number and email address and she still does. The case when her church started a church directory my phone and email were incorrect so I tried to correct it. A year later I was told by someone that they were trying to contact me but the number was wrong in the directory so I tried again to find out 3 months later that my wife had told the secretary what I gave her was a lie and to put my correct number in that she made up. I have done this repeat performance 5 times and it is still wrong and I  do not care now. But my thought is since I know she tells her family the ...