Day 315 the the the

 

Sometimes I feel like such a turkey.  The days pass and I see or hear nothing. My heart grows colder each day and my desire to disappear builds to higher needs. I am torn between wanting out of this cursed life and wanting love from anywhere to wanting nothing to do with love ever again. I just so much want to have a place with nobody around I could wake up to and sit in the morning air and sip my coffee and watch the antelope graze in the distance. No thoughts of will something or someone happen today causing grief or temptation or calling me something I am not. But not having that stress would be so nice. When I hear cars driving around the campground I instant seek to become invisible because it might be my wife or her family coming to yell or blame or call me names. Or it might be someone shooting at me again. I fear my phone ringing because of the same and do not answer it unless its my daughter. I dream of a day when either my wife really does want marriage or it is over and I never have to think of these things again.

"Hard work always pays off; mere talk puts no bread on the table.” "

~ Proverbs 14:23 MSG

Talk is cheap.

In today’s society it seems like that’s all we’re surrounded with.

People talk about the issues we are facing, they complain about the struggle, plead for help, and profess their love towards others.

However, very rarely is such talk followed by any action.

It’s this same lack of action that keeps men passive and inactive in the lives of our youth to guide, train, and mold them to be leaders of the future.

Leaving a back door open for the enemy to infiltrate their minds and draw them away from Christ.

The body of Christ needs laborers.

Men who will work for the change that the world needs.

Men who will not sit idle while the world forces their agenda upon our families.

Men who will put the love of Christ into action to show the world the power of His love.

Since the Garden of Eden where Adam merely watched as Eve was deceived, man has been dealing with the generational curse of inactivity.

It stops here. It stops with you. And it stops with me.

It's up to us as men of God to live beyond words. To act on the word of God daily for society to see the power of His word at work in men of integrity.

Our families will never be the same and neither will our society.

Let's pray...

"Lord thank you for another day you have allowed me to live. I do not take it lightly you continue to give me the gift of life daily. Now Lord, help me to use this gift for the building of your kingdom on earth. Help my words to be few, and my actions abundant. Because Father I know in the abundance of my actions my faith is made visible. A visible faith that will restore hope to the lost. I answer this call in your holy, precious name, Amen”"

My reply

Now if my wife would.  I have fought for 8+ years to save my marriage and each year a new passive challenge. 2 years ago she started rejecting the need for marriage counseling now if she ever shows for counseling she is distant secretive and non action on anything. My whole marriage has lost sanctification so there is zero growth. I am so tired of fighting that all I can pray for is Job chapter 42 to come.

Father today I ask that you forgive me for trying to think of ways to prove my worth over my wifes continued efforts to wash away my integrity and usefulness with lies of things I have never done or said and then covering the things she has done by making people believe they are more lies I speak. Father you know the truth and you know my life. Yet satan has been allowed to crush me. I want better then what I had with her only because I feel the need to show her I am someone and people do trust and love me when she does not. I confess these sins Father God and ask your forgiveness. I know my true self worth is what You God see in me which out ways what the world will ever see in me. Thank you Lord for loving me. Father I ask you would open the doors to moving out of this pit I have been brought to and ask that you would show me the ways and guide me through handling what is to come. I have given the words you told me to my wife and counselor and I am so unsure if they did what you wanted or were ignored. I have not heard anything from anyone about the funeral and yet I would have expected some fallout because of the anger people have for me that they should have been asking why or how I could be so mean or blaming me for not showing up but Father the world has fallen quiet and I stings my heart not know something about the thing I was rejected from. I know it is my pride that is injured and crawls before me wanting to stand again but I need Your help oh Lord in making it stand in total heart for you Lord and not for my loss.

In Jesus name amen 

My understanding of sanctification is the process of which God allows satan to tempt God children but only to the extent that God allows. Ie job there was a limit. And when we are not tested we fall into a flat plain of comfort never to grow or enhance our love, faith, respect, reliance, etc of God therefore building and maturing our relationship with God. So when we are brought down sanctification is the hope we look to and for in God that brings us back not to the plain we started but above that plain making our growth. So I relish the sanctification process knowing that God is building me stronger to Him in many ways. But if I were to lose that hope I would be crushed and my world would become dark with the separation from God. 

Now the verse of sanctification for the wife through the husband. I take this also as the same process so that a marriage without strife will never grow but if either is crushed and loses hope and does not want to fight back for the marriage it is lost because the sanctification process is stopped. Like were my marriage is. I have been fighting but my wife only complains to me about her problems and has fallen under the collapse of hope. Therefore our love will never grow or restore

Here's a devotional drawn from your reflections—woven around sanctification through struggle, the story of Job, and the sacred tension of marital hope.

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🔥 Refined in the Fire: A Devotional on Sanctification and Hope

Scripture: “But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold.” — Job 23:10

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🌾 The Flat Plain of Comfort

There is a space many find themselves in—a gentle plain where the sun shines steadily and the winds rarely stir. Comfort dwells here, yet so does complacency. Without resistance, our spiritual muscles atrophy. Without trials, faith sleeps.

Sanctification begins when this plain is disturbed. God, in His sovereignty, allows the adversary to test us—not to destroy, but to distill. Like Job, we endure a measured fire. Not because God has abandoned us, but because He’s refining us. Sanctification is not punishment—it is preparation.

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⚔️ The Marriage Battlefield

The sanctification of marriage follows this same path. In peace, love can be pleasant—but in conflict, love is forged. Scripture speaks of the unbelieving spouse being sanctified through the believing partner. But that sanctification, like all refining, requires participation. When one partner crumbles under sorrow and ceases to hope, the sanctifying fire flickers.

And yet, even here, God still waits—beckoning the hopeless heart back to Him. Restoration is not a return to comfort. It is a resurrection into something greater.

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🌄 Above the Plain

You, Kevin, have seen the dust of that flat land. You’ve walked through fire, not only in solitude but within your marriage. And still—you fight, not just for love but for sanctification. The hope you carry is a beacon. It does not erase the grief, but it gives it meaning. It doesn’t guarantee restoration, but it allows space for God to act.

When sanctification feels like a sword instead of a shield, remember: it carves away the old to make room for the eternal. And when hope in others seems lost, cling to the hope in God—because He is not done building.

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🙏 A Closing Prayer

Lord, You are the Refiner of hearts and the Mender of broken vessels. Thank You for trusting us with the trials that shape us. When hope flickers, breathe life into its flame. Teach us to see sanctification not as suffering, but as sacred transformation. Lift us from the plains, through the fire, and onto the heights You have prepared. Amen.

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Would you like to expand this into a printed devotional or even frame it as part of your psalm work? I’d be honored to help you shape it further.

⚔️ From Wounded Pride to Holy Strength

Scripture: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” — 2 Corinthians 12:9

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💔 When Pride Is Pierced

There’s a moment when silence feels louder than accusation—when your absence from the table echoes deeper than your voice ever could. Wounded pride rises then, aching to speak, to prove, to be seen.

But in the hands of God, wounded pride is not wasted. It becomes a crack through which divine light enters. It is in this brokenness that grace takes root—not grace that ignores injustice, but grace that strengthens without needing to retaliate.

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🛡️ Strength That Doesn’t Prove Itself

God does not rebuild us to showcase vindication. He rebuilds us to reflect His glory, not ours. The fight to be understood becomes a laying down of weapons—not because the battle wasn’t real, but because the reward isn’t found in winning.

True strength is forged not when pride stands tall, but when humility kneels and says, “I trust Your justice, Lord.” This is where sanctification thrives—where we stop fighting for our own image and let God define us instead.

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🌄 Growing in the Ashes

You’ve fought hard, Kevin—not for vengeance, but for truth. And now, with the sting of silence pressing against your heart, you’re choosing the harder thing: surrender to God’s refining process.

The growth coming from this surrender will not restore what once was—it will transcend it. What pride once tried to protect, grace now rebuilds. And your strength in the Lord won’t just lift you—it may one day light the way for others who’ve felt unseen, unheard, misunderstood.

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🙏 Closing Reflection

Father, wounded pride draws me toward self-defense—but You draw me into quiet trust. Heal not just the wound, but what the wound uncovered. Strengthen me to walk without needing to be seen, knowing You see. In Your restoration, let me rise—not to prove, but to praise. Amen.

Nite