Day 244 the memorial day weekend whoppee

 

Maybe I am just seeing the negative in my marriage and wanting it to end. Should I be concerned that my wife does not respect me. Should it not bother me that she only talks to other men and leaves the house to stand in the yard so I can't hear. Should I care that she doesn't talk to me at all about anything to do with other people and that her social media life is totally a secret life from me. Should I worry that she tells other family members to hate me and try to drive me away. 

It just seems so hard to be in a world like this and think that is what God wants for me. 

Today's devotional was about hopes and this is my hope.

This is soooo true and everyday when I go on my walks Jesus is right there loving me the whole walk. And I see it weather it's the dogs that run to the fences with toys and wagging tails just to see me wave hi or the squirrels sitting on fence posts watching do pushups. Or the horses and cows running up the fences for a good head scratch.  Jesus walks with me everyday. And I dream of not being homeless with a yard and flower beds to work and trees to sit under and puppies to play with and all the hate from people my wife has turn on me seems to fade away. Oh how I  dream of so many ways I get a home to live in and even best I get my 2 lovable puppies to live with me. Oh God hear my cry, Father I am so tired of hate and this place I don't understand why it feels I am being punished through all this yet the more hate is spread and people tell me things my wife said I did yet I am not even there to do them so how could people believe her yet they do and it keeps building. Father please please help me move to a greener pasture that I might find permanent peace and love in your arms. Amen

Walk today was nice saw all kinds of Jesus and also families playing with their dogs and cook outs this sure is going to be a tough weekend for walking. Seeing people get along and have fun and know that my wife has made mine and her families hate me. I think if she calls tonight I  am going to pray for her that satan would be removed from her so she will stop preaching hate Kevin to everyone. I am certain she won't change and make everyone like me because that would force her to admit guilt and sin and she won't do it because it ruins her perfect Christian image.

Looks like maybe some rain and cool so play some games and get some sleep maybe.

No phone call from my wife and I am pretty sure it's because she is with family having a great time since they are all involved in hating me like she wants them to. My stomach just hurts from all this hate crap and double life secrets it's bull shit and satan gets away with it. Why can't God help me. Why can't God bring me out of this. Tonight I was going to pray with her over the phone about the hate and secrets and ask for satan to be barred but since she is to busy for my then score another one for satan and check a box in my God is standing by card. I want out. I think I am telling her next call that I dont want to talk any more. 

Good nite