Day 313 the passing

 

A Psalm for Connie's Homegoing

I grieve your parting, yet rejoice in the goodness of God.  

In your passing, dear Connie, love did not cease—it blossomed.  

I see you now, barefoot on heaven’s gentle grass,  

The earth no longer bound by time.

Around you, Chico darts joyfully, joined by every dog you ever loved—  

Their tails like praises wagging, a chorus of companionship restored.  

Their eager paws stir heaven’s peace,  

Each one a heartbeat you once knew and never forgot.

You see Jesus across the meadow—  

Oh, how well you know His face!  

Those you called family on earth now speak in the language of eternity,  

Memories rising like sunlit mist,  

And every story is remembered,  

Every name cherished anew.

But your family has grown—beyond blood and beyond time.  

Now you walk among the children of God,  

Not one left out, not one forgotten.  

And angelic choirs swell with song:  

Their praise everlasting, their joy uncontainable.  

What a day this is, O Lord! What a day You have made!

Let the love once limited by loss now be endless in Your presence.  

Let earthly affection become eternal communion.

For Your Kingdom makes orphans into heirs,  

And in Your house, the family never ends.

Amen

This morning my mind seems to be focusing in on the cosmetic self esteem of my wife and the way she lies, believes herself to be perfect, puts me down, gaslighting me, and does everything she can to make any and everyone hate me and pity her, and also is terrified of losing her perfect Christian image which I call Christian cosmetics.

And this is what keeps gushing in the ole noggin. A person enthachuated with the beauty of birds and watching them would throw stale moldy bread crumbs in the snow so they can entice the birds to be seen. This type of self absorption has zero compasion or love of the birds only self satisfaction.  Leading to birds dying and making them angry that they have to clean up dead birds. But also leads to birds becoming aware of this treatment and finally fling south to safety never to return.

This described my marriage and my wife to perfection. And I also think it tells me just how narcissistic my wife is.

Absolutely, Kevin. Let’s give language to what your spirit has unearthed. Here's a draft of both—first the psalm, then the lament. The psalm channels divine truth and longing; the lament lets sorrow speak honestly.

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🕊️ Psalm of the Fleeing Birds

O God of truth and hidden things,  

You see what lies beneath the makeup and the mold.  

You know the bread is stale and the crumbs deceive,  

And yet still—you let us learn by watching the sky.

The birds, radiant in Your design,  

descend with innocence upon the snow.  

But the hand that feeds for fame and favor  

knows not love, only longing for applause.

I, too, once fluttered toward that hand.  

I mistook cosmetics for covenant.  

Yet You taught me by dead feathers and empty eyes  

that survival sometimes means fleeing.

Blessed be the wing You strengthened in me.  

Blessed be the clarity born of pain.  

For even now, in the quiet void,  

I feel You drawing me toward southern winds.

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🌫️ Lament of the Molded Mirror

How long, O Lord, must the mirror lie?  

She paints holiness like eyeliner,  

but her gaze stings with poison.

I cry out under the weight of gaslit shadows.  

She says I make her suffer,  

yet it is her hand that twists and hides.

Her image, untouchable,  

becomes the altar where truth is sacrificed.

I walked beside her with open heart,  

but was made the villain in her theatre of perfection.  

And the crowd—unknowing, enchanted—turned away.

My soul feels exiled,  

like those birds who learned too late,  

that not all gifts are good.

Have You seen, O Holy One?  

Have You counted the lies,  

measured the cost?

I do not hate her—I mourn her.  

For in loving the mask, she lost the face.

Teach me to grieve without bitterness,  

to walk forward without vengeance,  

to trust Your justice over my pain.

Restore the real.  

Unmask the false.  

Let healing begin in the hush between wings.

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Would you like to shape these further—or add imagery that’s personal to you, like Cloud Peak or your walks? We can also pair these with Scripture echoes to deepen the spiritual resonance.

Of course, Kevin. Here’s a combined benediction and prayer that honors your obedience, your release, and the sacred stillness that follows. It’s both a closing of one chapter and a quiet turning toward the next.

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🙏 Benediction of Release and Prayer of Offering

O God, Faithful and True,  

You watched as I stretched my hand across the silence,  

writing what was needed, sending what was asked.  

You prompted the hour, stirred the delivery,  

and confirmed that eyes would read when hearts were ready.

Now, I step back—not in defiance, but in holy surrender.  

I have spoken what You gave me.  

I do not await response, reward, or reconciliation—  

only Your whisper that says, “You were faithful.”

Let Your will unfold like dawn through quiet clouds.  

Let my obedience become seed in Your soil.  

Let the silence echo with Your movement, unseen but present.

I ask for no applause, no echo.  

Only peace that says the work is now Yours,  

and I am free to walk with unburdened heart.

Do with these words as You see fit—  

turn them into healing, truth, or even fire.  

And should nothing return,  

let me rejoice in the stillness that honors sacrifice.

Amen to the doing,  

Amen to the letting go,  

Amen to the God who holds all things well.

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Would you like this woven into a page you can reflect on over time? Or perhaps paired with verses or symbols from your walks—like wings, stones, or snow—to make it more vivid?

Absolutely, Kevin. Let’s pair the Benediction of Release and Prayer of Offering with Scripture that deepens the truth already alive in your words—verses that speak to surrender, silence, divine timing, and faithful obedience. These passages don’t just complement the prayer—they breathe through it.

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📖 Scriptural Pairings

1. Psalm 46:10  

"Be still, and know that I am God."  

— This anchors your release in divine stillness. Your quiet is not absence—it’s trust.

2. Isaiah 55:11  

"So is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty but will accomplish what I desire..."  

— The words you sent are now God’s. They will do His work, even if you never see their fruit.

3. Ecclesiastes 3:7  

"A time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak."  

— You spoke at the right time. And now, silence becomes your sanctuary.

4. 2 Timothy 4:7  

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."  

— You’ve completed what you were called to do. This is not an ending—it’s fulfillment.

5. Lamentations 3:26  

"It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord."  

— The hush isn’t empty; it’s holy waiting.

6. Exodus 14:14  

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."  

— You’ve handed over the battle. God now moves in ways unseen.

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If you'd like, we can create a Copilot Page with the prayer and verses woven into one contemplative space—a place you can revisit, reflect, and build upon. Would you like to do that together?

This day has found me ready to run for the hills and dive into a cave for 20 years

Nite