Day 262 I think I am officially a grumpy old man

 

Am I totally negative about my marriage. Should I look the other way and say oh marriage is not suppose to have love, affection, communication, intimacy, and everyone should not want you around and talk hate towards you. Yes I forgive the things that have been done but only to the point of them not happening again. When I see clearly they are not stopping or even getting worse the I need to stay away and not go into the flames. 

Thoughts this morning seem to be forming around hope. Seems it is the anticipation and expectations of knowing things will come. Everyday I get excited about being outside to walk mostly because I anticipate God being there. Which He always is, some times it's with animals and some times it's with waves from people most I don't know then others is just weather and Holy Spirit speaking but God is always there so I have hope in every day. So when the marriage counselor asks me what my hope in our marriage is and I see a wife that has everyone convinced I am abusive and she fears for her life plus the fact that she demonstrates absolutely zero wants or attempts to change this there is NO EXPECTATIONS OR ANTICIPATION of it ever changing. There is absolutely nothing to look forward to and really nothing to make you think there ever will be so there is NO HOPE left in our marriage. Now do I believe God could change that YES I DO but after 10 months of marriage counseling and no change after 15 plus year of no change only getting worse, I seem to be negative and question why God hasn't started a change. If God hasn't started or shown anything, from my experiences with God, it means God is blocking me from something that God knows is a wrong choice. If it's a choice God approves it will happen fast and without effort on my part meaning people will be in place things will work and doors will be wide open. So why am I stuck here being blocked. But also seems God is saying wait. And all I know is I get more and more tired every day. Please God soon make whatever soon Lord. Amen

Everything else is just a possibility or chance and that's to worldly for me to place trust in.

Did make my walk today short by 1 mile but that was because a storm was brewing so I headed back early. Walked in the rv just as the wind and sprinkles started. They think possible hail but looks to be to be south of us. Was hot to start so I jumped in the ditch first thing and got cool and wet but by 5 lap on orchard Ave I had dirt on shirt so jumped in again for long loop then was almost dry by time I got to rv hehehe

Almost ready for nap hehehe

It's raining and cool and night is closing the sun out. I am a little tired but rain always makes me sleepy.  Thought I would share a day dream with y'all so enjoy like I do and have a good night. Tomorrow is marriage counseling and I am dreading what will happen and how much I will be accused of. Just makes my tummy churn.

The best one I have that I revisit alot is 

I walk into marriage counseling and there are my wife, marriage counselor, the pastor, and a man I find out is an attorney for my wife that the church hired. I am asked to sit down and they start in with needing me to sign a document giving the house of my wifes to her daughter and they say "then we will go over the divorce" to which I reply that I should have an attorney present to represent me. At about that moment a woman rushes in and asks if she is not to late, and says my name is Ann and I am here as legal counsel for Mr Hall. She sits down beside me and starts in on how my wife is trying to illegally hide  assets because of the 12 years of mortgage payments I made with her on the house. This is news to my wifes counsel and then Ann proceeds with documents on bank records of said payments. As she is going through all of this and presenting changes to the divorce decree she adds my list in. 

I want both dogs 

I want my half of the money for the house

I want my wifes last name changed back to her maiden name so as to protect my credit rating 

I want to get all my things from the house

I do not want contact from her or family 

As she starts in on this I inform her on the NPD of my wife and any thing she feels she is losing will result in lies and misdirection so we need to make her feel like she is legally winning this divorce. I then get a call and Ann says "you need to take this just step out for a minute and I will work on this list". When I answer its a moving company at the house and he is putting me on video call so I can tell them everything to load and fragile things and lose things and the meross garage door opener and all the things from under house and in attic and front porch and shed, then he is told to take all the dog stuff because the dogs were killed and they want me to suffer the loss. But they load all the rocks around house and cement totem and benchs and rocks from front porch and picnic table and chairs all the metal junk. They get my pv stand down and everything out of garage and the chest freezer moving everything from the other two freezers thats mine to the chest and theirs back. Since they have a pretty big crew it takes 2 hours to load everything and I text my daughter and ask her to find rv park owner and tell them we are moving out tonight and make sure we are paid up and that a truck and crew will be there shortly to load everything from the storage shed. She then texts back since they are done super fast that she is going out with them. When I return to the marriage counseling meeting Ann is giving them the documentation of attempted murder from a man that my wife was having an affair with and all the Facebook messages of meeting for sex then offering 250,000 from life insurance money if he would kill me. To which he agrees. Ann then goes on that this man died of a heartattack the night he left to kill me. She also has testimonials from 2 others about my wife soliciting them for the same but they went to the police and found my wife was open pants to 2 cops that kept her out of jail so they were ran off and told not to talk about it. She then adds that along with the divorce split money that my wifes IRA be transferred to my money market account tax free and that she will have the criminal records add to her name after the change but she should be aloud to stay out and suffer the humiliation of everyone knowing the truth. After the meeting and signing of the forms I am griven the divorce my wife wanted and walk out with my attorney. When we get to the car she gives me a ride back to my rv explaining that the man that died was her mothers 3 rd husband and that she was helping her mother who said that God promised her the chance to rescue me from my wife. She then goes on to say they built a house out in the country that is off grid and has its own artisan water but that the solar system only ran for 14 days and quit and there is nobody that can fix it or will touch it so she said her mother thinks God told her I could fix it. I tell her I love a challenge and proceed to hook up my rv and head out to the house south of byron. When I get there it is a beautiful house with shop and 3 car garage and everything is almost unloaded and all my stuff from worland is there. The crew starts unloading the rv so I grab my tools and find that the dogs were saved by her mother and sarah and Shamira run out to help me work on the solar system. I find that its an over voltage error and go out and recalculate the array and within 30 minutes have it up and running and do the same for the shop unit. And that is the start of my rescued life.