Day 261 why am I feeling alone and angry

 


Today I do not feel like walking. Today I feel angered over being left in this hell hole and seems nobody gives a damn. Today I am wanting anything to happen that would change something to a positive. I want these things but I do not feel God is ready for me to have them. Why Lord can I nit have company to life my spirits. Why God must everyday be alone and worst then the day before. Why God can I just not go and live in peace. Lord send me an attorney and land and open doors to bust free from this never ending sewer. Amen

I so so badly want a new life. I am sick of fighting for love and all I get is blame and false accusations. I am guilty they scream yet all they have is the words of a liar. That has covered the truth and shielded the lies that they will stand strong against me and more and more will fall into this army that satan is building. Eaten at a fast pace. If God knows this and walked the truth with me to the police and else where yet she can visit a police officer at night and every drop of my being there and filing a complaint is erased forever. If God stands for truth and protects the broken then why is Satan still building an army. Why is Satan allowed to crush me everyday only to be inflated back by God. Why am I here. Why can't God crush satan and purge the fires that burn me for offering daily. Why can't God hear my screams. All I want is a few acres of land without any strings attached like irrigation fees or hoa or that stuff with no neighbors no on around that has a house or I could move my RV to and start moving my belongs to. God give me my puppies back and an attorney to sever this nightmare of a life and get me to a new field in which I can work for God please please please God send me a rescue.

Got a text from a friend wondering how I was doing so I dumped my story to him.

No my days have been getting worse and I am more discouraged everyday. As far as marriage. God keeps showing up on my walks with kind animals that play and enjoy showing Gods love. And God keeps putting people in my path to talk with about faith and God allowing satan to test us. Which is why I think the Holy Spirit has me working in the book of Job. It seems everytime I read something in the Bible of how bad it was for Job and how much he complained but not doubted God I reflect on how much my life seems the same and stuck right here in the sewer. But then someone shows up and starts talking their health issues or life struggles and I get the opportunity to administer God to them. My last visit to the VA couple weeks ago I spent almost 1.5 hours on a blood pressure check because the nurse was losing faith because of her cancer. So lots of struggles and whining on my part but God seems to need me in pain for His plan. I am blessed God trusts me so well but I am so so tired of being homeless and desire a home I cry myself to sleep at night. And the VOA is stating that I am passing their threshold of 10 months in which they say 90 percent of the homeless people that stay homeless this long never return to homes but wind up on the streets for life. So they are pushing very hard to cut ties and even move to another state for housing. I am just so confused and sad. Sorry didn't mean to ramble on. 

Well he replied once asking if I had any friends that have land I could move onto but I replied no and I would need shower and bathroom for my daughter hehehe but it was good to dump that out. And dump I did cause my fingers just kept typing and it all came out but thats ok. Had a couple of nice day dreams today about rescue from a person of interest that has been involved in my life because her husband died trying to kill me which is all fictitious but fun to think of and all one that was a person that wanted my land in worland and said they would move everything there and basin to a new piece of land on lane 38 and bam gave me shops and the land had artisan water well that was found in oil drilling so the abandon the site and the 320 acres was 100 bucks per acres for drilling reclaiming land and they Blm would fence it and put 5 older shops on the land around the water well site and level 5 acres for living on. And I found a moble home that was 18 by 100 ft for 40000 and so everything cost me 72000 and within 5 days everything from worland and basin was moved there and I had my solar up and going so the place was running off grid. Then I got enough from my divorce and sale of land to pay for it and buy a GMA Denali ev truck and gm power wall hehehe but dream on and of course every dream I get my puppies so I pray God will find it possible to make one happen soon so I can move. Amen

I think I will walk after sunset tonight since I didn't feel like moving today and then hit the hay.

Nite

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