Day 259 will the victim build bigger

 

This morning after some heavy rain around midnight and lightning I awake with thoughts that started before sleep. I can feel my wife is going to church today and play the broken hearted victim telling everyone "I" am divorcing her and leaving her for some other woman and that I am the abusive villain once again putting her down. Father I pray that if satan starts to build the victim wall bigger that You Lord will expose that lies and bring truth to my plea and force confessing and teaching for all that this woman has done with satan against me. Please Father make this the day of exposure and start opening doors for me to move down a path to a home in the country away from everyone. Amen

Today I feel the acts of satan ruling in war against me. My wife through acts of narcissistic behavior has always played the victim over the 25 years of marriage and when I started realizing I could thwart this behavior not knowing then what it was I found it came with greater acts of narcissistic behaviors. I did not even know the term narcissistic till a year ago when a counselor told me what her behavior was. But Friday I mentioned to our marriage counselor that I did not think our marriage would ever work out based on her not wanting to go to the meetings, not talking to me in any form. To which he replied to keep the faith and pray for her. And yes I made sure my wife was in the text group I was texting all this in. So today I feel satan is using this grand opportunity to help her go to church and proclaim again that I am divorcing her and she is a poor victim of my so called abusive behavior and I pray God will stop satan from building a wall from lies and force truth and repentance from this world and do a work of saving for those that satan is dragging away to devour. Lord keep me strong and controlled and away from the slaughter so that my tongue will be held. Give me doors of escape and words You God need said if any but let all my actions speak boldly of Your praises God. Amen

Looking at the news today and realized there is a lot of prayer stories topping the news and just 10 years ago it was news that God was being removed from everything government and schools and could not be taught. So now is it a God thing that is back in style or a satan thing to bring about slumbering sheep and easy to eat.

So this afternoon my wife makes yet another attack on me and I of course being fed up with this bullshit and lies did this.

She said 

Sorry i haven't spoken with you for quite a while. Just haven't been up to it. I am not leading a double life or keeping secrets. My biggest fear is that you will continue to accuse me or call me bad names. That really hurts my heart and it brings me down and saddens me.

Reply

I know exactly what you mean. After 15 plus years of being accused of things mostly false and being told I was never good enough because you led a perfect life and my gifts were given away because they were not real diamonds or real 24 carat gold even down to flowers being the wrong colors so you gave them away. And having someone complain all the time about everything I try when trying to care for you or about you and then told someone else told you different so thats what you will do. The hurt runs deep and long so yes I know it exactly. Then the NPD victim card is always played. I guess if you ferment cabbage long enought the kimchi you get is only good to the ones that enjoy the life sustaining value of it but is very bitter to the ones that only want an image enhancement.

I hope she will show that to other like marriage counselor or her pastor boy since she won't understand the npd victim card or the kimchi reference and then I know I will hear the false lies I bet they are firing up right now. Heheheh

That You God for a great calming walk and hearing my whining but it looks like I am still fighting satan again. And to be told no secrets is just so disrespectful since she knows it as much as I do. I just dont understand God why she is free to lead so many in this and I am the only one that suffers. Can't You Lord stop this once and for all please please amen.

It's 7pm and close to darkness but I am just feeling low and down so I am laying down may not sleep for hours but who cares.

I did also toss a final text to my wife that said she might recount the story of why my good friend and his wife left the church and I am sure the marriage counselor would love to hear it. 

Basically she got mad because his wife called me and asked me to sing on the worship team to which she flew into a rage at home accusing me of cheating with her then she accused her the next Sunday in church of cheating with me and never to called again. Then for some reason she had to talk to the pastor and the next Sunday after they talked she said she needed to apologize but not sure if she ever did but that was the last time they ever came to pur church. I have never heard or seen him since.

But she has told the marriage counselor she never has been jealous so all my stories of her being jealous are lies. Well isn't that just something then.

Night everyone.