Day 249 the new twist?

 

This morning I am a bit tired because I did not fall asleep till after midnight and woke up at 3:30 am for potty then slept and hour or so but my mind is racing after last nights chat with my wife and the denial she had and the thought that I love you is all it takes to be married yet she tells me all the time she doesn't believe me when I say I love her so wow there seems to be something way wrong here don't you think. I am also fretting from what I will be called and told how bad l am for saying such nasty things to my wife. But she will never text me again pretty sure on that and will never say she loves me again I know that and betting there won't be any more phone calls either.  But spending the day in cody so praying for GOOD changes and things to come since there is no way things could ever get any worse. Would be kind of nice to have someone offer a place to park the rv free and good restrooms and showers for doing land scaping hehehe but I dream on.

Got up early around 6:30 am and started the day. Was looking forward to being out and doing anything and yes still worried about fallout from Wednesday night phone call. Got to cody and started checking into things since we were about and hour early. And then got to the VA for blood pressure check about 45 minutes early. And yes they waited till my appointment time to take me back but it was a very very good and different check. My nurse came back and the the first thing she asked was "how is your marriage/divorce going are you doing ok" and so she listened as I told her about things and whined then she opened up about us being close to the same age and she was divorced now going on 3 years and told me alot about her cancer she had and mastectomys she had and her children not checking and some other problems of family and we talked a BUNCH about GOD in our lives and how He is there and blessings and beliefs and before I knew it we had talked an entire hour which was the best and closest heart felt communication I have had in about 20 years. I am still shocked and struck that God but her in my life today and she kept saying don't string marriage counseling out to long if it doesn't look to be working then break it off. So I am praying that maybe God is starting to move people into place for what is to come but it sure left me feeling way better about the day then I thought it would be. We then went to dairy queen for burgers and milk shakes but I did fish sandwich and banana split so yeah I was happy food junky hehehe. Then Walmart for a few things and my daughter's appointment then home. Made my walk of just 1 lap around the 2 mile loop and git my steps in. So sitting here tonight feeling good about va visit and down about my wife. Did not hear anything from her but saw her at gas station when I drove through town coming home. And I kind of feel I won't hear anything till she talks to enough men and family to make a new battle plan. I so dread to think what it is going to be. Kind of makes me wish I had my VA nurses personal phone number so I could text and chat about things but thats a big no no hehehe so guess I just keep dreading till fallout hits.

Father I am praying tonight that what I got today was blessings from you and that you are starting to get things ready for my next step in what ever the plan is. I pray God that my assertiveness about conversation and getting out of the same stupid chat every night for almost a year and telling her about my feelings of her secret other life and lack of communication is what you allowed and that it will jar loose that which satan has complete control over right now. Father protect me from the fallout and help me to be in a house and stable before winter and even before the end of June Father that I can be someplace and respected and needed for the rest of my life. Please please make it so Father. Amen

Nite all