Day 248 what the next

 


I just don't understand what is the plan. There seems to be hints of my wife saying something truthful then she counters with not saying it or denying things happen at all. The secrets and hate wall seem to be in full swing without any real signs of them falling and satan is dealing all the cards.

Man do I need this. Since my separation from my wife last year and being homeless all these months I have been pleading with God to give me a home and flower beds to work in and my puppies to play with and some direction to look for because at the rate my marriage counseling is going, I think divorce is the only option but so far every time I start to check into it God throws the road block to stop me. Every time I start to check into a house God throws a road block. But when I confront my wife about total lack of attention and total passivity in our relationship God gives me abundant words and strength. I had one person tell me that maybe God is letting you exhaust every option so you know for sure she does not love you but it is only her christian image she wants to save. That kind of makes sense but I continue to plead of God for a home. And yes spend lots of hours walking and day dreaming of homes and places to live and telling God all about them but God still has not told me much. All I know is God is saying wait and work in this field God will let me know when to move. And yes I am antsy waiting.

Went to powell today and got a CT for doctor next week. Stopped and had gluten-free pizza at millstone restaurant and it was gooood then walked a few blocks and came home. Still had some thinking to do so did my 6.8 mile walk at home and decided that when my wife called tonight and if my wife called tonight I was going to confront her about talking in just conversation of two strangers meeting after years because when she describes the same pains she is having for 3 weeks straight and if I inquire about certain things of them the subject changes there is always a limit to how much of her life I am aloud to know everything else is secret so I told her that if we can't talk like to married people that are suppose to be in love then I am tired of being restricted as to what I can say or not because she doesn't want me to know ita a double life she is leading. Her reply was "I tell you I love you that is intimate and I do not have a double life" I mean she out of the blue said one doctor told her the pain in her leg was a blood clot. So she went to another doctor. This was totally new since she said the first doctor was booked and she couldn't get in so I reminded her of telling me she said they were booked and she changed words and sentences to sound like they were to busy but at the same time she some how saw them and then went to the other doctor so again she let slip information I was not to know and brushing it off so I would not be asking about it. And she never talks about loving each other and what she misses and I know if I start it will be a dead conversation so fast. So I am so so confused why God is allowing this and satan is running the show from what I see. Tomorrow is all day in cody so maybe get some walking in and pushups etc. Some good lunch and maybe win a house in the country with off grid and private aquafur water well hehehe and let's toss in a free GMC Denali EV with leer 122 camper shell hehehe

Nite

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Year 1.4 soot sooty

Image
  This is the day the Lord has made. I still am upset that this day will pass so quickly and I will have nothing to reflect upon except the speed at which it went by. I am still homeless and lonely and praying for help and rescue yet the adversary is still parading around and gleaming in the happiness of their lies and getting everything the world can give them while I scrape to survive and pray for every speck of love God will give me. I watch as the people around increase in violence and rage and hangings and shootings and assassination threats become the everyday normal. People killing each other without regard to other lives and all for the idea of a skin color, a monetary status, a better idea of life, etc. God is shut away and satan rules the lives around me. I am hated and isolated for the peace of God comfort and protection. There is no way God will fix my marriage because the hate and attempted murder. God will keep me away by their hate to protect me. There is no way God ...
Read more

Year 1.178 noise noise

Image
  This mornings daily devotional email was in my inbox today so the battle rages on. This morning the noise is loud and I mean loud. Starting at 5am cars starting and reving up and car alarms going off and sirens racing past the camper. All with the level like they were inside beside me. The noise and busy still echo and pound and the world is trying to be noticed. It's like satan is driving the point of the associate pastor in the police car straight at me. But God let's a devotional email through this morning about using Gods lens on the out come of our world.  No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. ~ 1 Corinthians 9:27 NIV The saying "mind over matter" is missing one word—spiritual. It should read "spiritual mind over matter," but the overlying theme remains true no matter the version you use. This phrase speaks to the power of your thoughts and how all ...
Read more

Day 244 the memorial day weekend whoppee

Image
  Maybe I am just seeing the negative in my marriage and wanting it to end. Should I be concerned that my wife does not respect me. Should it not bother me that she only talks to other men and leaves the house to stand in the yard so I can't hear. Should I care that she doesn't talk to me at all about anything to do with other people and that her social media life is totally a secret life from me. Should I worry that she tells other family members to hate me and try to drive me away.  It just seems so hard to be in a world like this and think that is what God wants for me.  Today's devotional was about hopes and this is my hope. This is soooo true and everyday when I go on my walks Jesus is right there loving me the whole walk. And I see it weather it's the dogs that run to the fences with toys and wagging tails just to see me wave hi or the squirrels sitting on fence posts watching do pushups. Or the horses and cows running up the fences for a good head scratch.  Je...
Read more