Day 241 alot to think about today

 

So late last night my wife sends me a text that says sorry I didn't call I feel asleep. In response to my question of if she told her daughter that she went for a walk with me and she answered yes I did. But of course there was nothing about what her daughters reply was or anything else just that she had a bad day dealing with her mother and that she was going to back sleep. So most the night I thought on what my friend said about What if God is just making me exhaust every avenue of hope in our marriage working out so that I won't be drawn back in. So far that really makes sense but I am still praying that God would let me know.  Today is a cool day and chance of rain. Clouds and not much sun so far but maybe it will clear up a bunch.

And again God's guides with my daily devotional.  I am pretty sure God is directing my life because of these signs.

"So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you!"

~ Hebrews 10:35 NLT

I recall when I was extending my faith towards the purchase of a new home.

My wife and I were attending a meeting where they were presenting different options for buying a house; and as it all started to sound better and better I caught myself saying...

“Don’t get your hopes up too high Chris."

I commonly have this conversation take place in my mind. It’s my way of preparing my expectations so if something doesn’t work out it’s not a big disappointment. However, that day felt different.

After praying and meditating on it God showed me that the statement I had been feeding myself this entire time has been lacking faith.

God assured me I can get my hopes up as long as they are in Him. The problem is when we start hoping that God will deliver us a specific way. Immediately writing off the ability for Him to meet our need any different than what we had in mind.

That’s where the disappointment and frustration comes in. When God doesn’t meet our expectations, instead of us meeting His. All God expects from us is to trust and believe in Him. When we are unable to do that we set the table for doubt, fear, and frustration to feast.

Man of God, cast your hopes on Christ without the expectation of him moving how you expect him to. Give Him the permission to perform how he pleases. Knowing that when God does it, there is no man on earth that can come against it and prosper.

Just trust in God and all of His ways. Your understanding is not required in order for Him to abundantly more than you could ever ask or think.

Let's pray...

“Father forgive me for boxing you in. Then getting upset when you decide to move outside of the box I created for you. No longer will I cast my expectation on how I think you should move in my life on you. Instead I choose to trust you no matter what the situation looks like. Knowing that even if it appears as if I’m losing, you’re just setting the stage for all men to witness the mighty hand of God toward those who are faithful to you. In Jesus name I pray, Amen"

So was a cool and sunny day to walk. The walk was good and pleasant and no animals were out except the squirrels and woodpeckers and they were in abundance hehehe. Lots of thinking this marriage should be done with and how little I can ever see it working out. The attorney I was asking questions of last night never answered me back so is God blocking my attempts? Pretty sure God is but then when and what will I ever see life again. For God to change All the hate my wife has built against me and all the people she has involved in the lie and hate we are talking a major reset of an entire community almost and I don't see that happening so then why would God not help me leave and start over in peace. Please please let me move on to a new life of retirement please please Lord amen

Phone call tonight was short and pointless again. It would be interesting to hear her even take an interest in anything like ask me what I felt when I got close to animals or tell me how she felt about someone she was talking to today. Everything is top secret and I am not to find out anything about her. Not her email which she makes a new one every year. Or her new facebook account name which she has changed etc etc. She is leading a totally double life one with other men then a secret one with me. 

GOD PLEASE POUR OUT YOUR RATH ON THIS ABOMINATION AND BRING THE LIES OUT. SACRIFICE MARRIAGE AND LET THE TRUTH OF THIS WOMAN BRING HER TO HER KNEES. PROTECT ME FROM EVER GOING BACK TO A LIFE OF HIDDEN SECRETS AND LIES AND HATE THAT SHE CREATES WITH EASE AND FATHER BRING ME TO YOUR HEART WITH YOU FOR EVER. SHOW ME YOUR PROTECTION MY LORD OF KEEPING ME SAFE FROM SATANS GRASP WITH MY WIFE. LET HER SECRETS COME FORTH AND THOSE SHE BETRAYS LET THEM STRUGGLE WITH THE TRUTH.  AMEN AMEN AMEN

Nite