Day 240 and I am pretty sure I do not love my wife any more

 

There seems nothing of interest between us. There is nothing to talk about except what we ate. She constantly tells me she does not think I love her and she finds every excuse to be to tired uninterested or untrustworthy. I feel she lies to much and about everything. Does not care who she hurts only who gives her money and attention. And I do not see her trying to work on our marriage at all just lies or excuses why she can't. 

My friend just made the comment that maybe God is forcing all the chances of my marriage working out so that I will totally lose hope in it and be able to move on. Interestingly my daily devotional today said this

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.”

~ Proverbs 13:12 NLT

I was always taught that frustration is the difference between reality and your expectations.

When what you expect does not match your reality, it sets the table for frustration to take a seat in your life.

As I grow in Christ, I realize that there are no expectations without hope. Hope births expectations the moment faith is released.

It is God that reveals to you what to be hopeful for. He shows you snapshots of what your life will be like once you have obtained His promise for you.

Once you see it, by faith you believe it to be true. As you release that faith, your expectation of it to come to pass is activated.

When that expectation does not match reality, for a time, your flesh will start to get frustrated. Your spirit man may start getting weary.

Hope deferred starts to take its toll on you.

Today I’m here to encourage you that though it has not come to pass yet... it’s on its way. Just stay the course.

Keep pushing and keep trusting in God. Let Him continue to stretch you to new levels of faith. Activate the spirit of release in your life on old habits and ineffective ways of thinking.

Believe in your spirit that God is not a God of denial, but of love and grace. And at the appointed time, you will possess the very thing you have hoped for by faith.

Never forget... as bad as you want the promise, God wants you to have it even more. He is with you. He is on your side as your #1 advocate.

He will see you through. Just keep trusting.

Let's pray...

"Father I receive your promise in my life right now. I choose to live by faith and not frustration while enduring until the promise is fulfilled. I believe you have not forgot about me Lord. Grant me the patience to step through the process faithfully. That when I do inherit the promise, my heart will sing all praises and glory to you alone. In Jesus name I pray, Amen."

But what a quandary. I see tiny things of love from my wife when I ask God for them but in 5 years I haven't seen any change in the desire of my wife to be in a relationship with me and really it's the total opposite because she keeps building hate against me with our family and her family and for almost a year now I have been stuck homeless wanting a yard and flower beds to work in yet God does not hear my prayers but tells me to wait and I grow so frustrated not knowing what to do or which path to pursue. The only hope I have is that God will lead me and help me but when and where.

Walked my miles today and got a lite shower but warm for the most part. Still not sure of outcomes but praying God will guide me through this. Walk was good it afternoon now and took my meds and getting ready for bed. Had a thunderstorm pass over and all I could do was pray for shamira and sarah to be calm and know I love them. GOD I miss my puppies so bad.

Father hear my pleas tonight that You Lord will show me what path to walk on and guide me through this heartache. Help me Lord to have the strength and patience and faith to do what ever You Father are calling me to do and walk where You Father want me to walk.  Father I want to be needed and loved guide me to an end soon please please oh please God amen

Did not get all call from my wife tonight but I decided to start checking into divorce. I mean really she has changed her Facebook name her email address several times and created so many new accounts so as to hide from me. And she still continues to try and hide and lie. I sent a quick text just to ask her if she ever told her daughter that she went for a walk with me on may 3rd. Which if she did is probably why we have never met up again. And if she didn't then she is trying to keep it hidden from her which again is why we never have met up again. And then there is absolutely zero start from her to clear up any of the hate she has built against me in her family and mine so I will never be allowed back into the house or around her so this total scam to get our marriage back is only to keep her looking like a good Christian and has nothing to do with marriage. I think it time to pull the plug so I am sending out help for divorce to free lawyers right now and maybe see about getting one at free to low cost to divide the mortgage and get me clean up and move and started again.

Let you know tomorrow how any of that goes.  Nite