Day 213 attempted but not realized

 

The day is starting off wishy washy kind of a duh feeling but thinking it will be good day. My daughter and I are going to try the Mexican food truck new to town today and see if they are back open then my walk and should take a fast 3 min shower since that is all the hot water you get here hehehe

My wife said she might call this morning but I am not holding my breath because when she said it last night it seemed coached and not something she wanted to do. She will be to busy to think of anything other then herself and her pastor.

Today is my final day of mental counseling since I do not score high enough to need help I have washed out of the program. But that is the Glory of God.

So far today it's been shower good. Wife contact bad. She did call around 11am and ask if we would come over for lunch. We had planned last week to go to the new Mexican food truck today so when I told her no she got upset and hung up. My daughter said would not go anyway because she does not like the thought of being there. So once again I have failed since I had no warning of the offer and had other plans. I did send her a thank you text but I seriously doubt if it will be read or thought about. It's times like these that make me feel all the way to my bones that this is not going to be repaired. 

But of course the truck was closed till like June now so we bought chicken and doughnuts for tomorrow hehehe. 

Maybe the walk this afternoon will be better and cheer me up more.

I do not know what is going on. But I am about a mile and a 1/2 into my walk and I am just totally dizzy, I'm totally sunken, like I'm walking out of reality. I'm sweating, I was able to do my push-ups. It took an extra 30 seconds. I'm gonna continue pushing through, but yeah, I just don't know. It feels like my blood pressure, just all of a sudden dropped way out.

After walking another 1/2 mile it started to clear i was not sure but God did something I am leaving it in God hands. There wasn't any urgency to it so I knew God had it but it was strange. Stopped back by rv on first loop and took BP and everything checked OK. On second lap I got the full 1/2 jogging in and felt good. The cows were cheering me on hehehehe but finished out and now upper legs are sore from the running but that is OK will do them good and my lungs hehehe

Going to settle down to games and day dream of a nice life I don't have.

And sun is gone and still some day dreams left so guess I will lay in bed and dream. I made up a questions chart for tomorrow will be interesting to see what happens. I am asking what our future together looks like in as much detail as you can. Generally she says either she doesn't have time to think about that or she does not have an imagination so she can't do that. Which tells me she doesn't have a future for us. I also made a secondary question of what emotions make you feel good.

Wonder how this will go. Tomorrow folks. All none of ya.