Day 210 Thank You Jesus for everlasting life.

 


Oh how I wish I was here in the forest nice and quite and peaceful away from everything and not having to fight to be in a relationship with a wife that doesn't have time or desire to be in it with me. The more I think of how negative the marriage counselor was about unless we start working to fix our marriage it is over. Kind of sends a message to me that my wife is not wanting it and when he tells me to never give up then I start in on a let's talk about what we feel and every time I have to stop my wife from flying into some blame me for every feeling she has and tell her we need to express how we feel it has nothing to do with blame. When we are done talking its like the trash can was open and every word fell right into it. There is no calling no texting no sharing anything about her self with me through out the day because she is to busy with her mother and pastor to worry or care for her marriage. Everything she says is just words and nothing supported.

On with Easter. Started put cold and raining then sun came out so I hit the walking trail the cows were out and moooooving hehehe talked to them a bunch then got my 6.75 miles in and now feel tired and sitting down. Would love to have a quite yard to lounge in with my zero gravity chair and snooze then work on yard a bit but that will not happen this year I am afraid and I am so scared it will never happen the rest of my life.  Starting to think I might just sell everything and buy a new pickup and fifth wheel with garage in it and 3 slides and off grid solar and just divorce and roll away.  

Well its Sunday and again no contact day with my wife and so its kind of a relief since I don't have to deal witb the fake and blank but I still wonder if God is going to change things or open the door for me to move out of this trial hell and retire some place in peace.

It's dark and cool so bed time maybe Monday will be the start of a good week I am just trying to decide which is good marriage works or marriage fails.

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