Day 206 THE SKY IS BLUE

 

My wife wants to make sure I heard her tell me she loves me and she doesn't believe in divorce. I think its the same as someone saying the sky is blue. It's words that do not mean anything. Let's say if I say the sky is blue and everyone around me just agrees and moves on then it was a meaningless statement. If I say the sky is blue and people complain that it isn't because there are clouds blocking the sky it means they have a defeated outlook because the clouds are simply blocking the sun from shining and not changing the color of the sky. It would also mean that they are looking at the visible and not the statement. In order to say the clouds block my view would be to say I will only deal with what I see and the truth behind the visible is not important.  If I say the sky is blue and someone says yes and it's a good day to do something then they have a feeling of connection with the term "the sky is blue" and it moves them to do something with that feeling. 

So when my wife says she loves me then starts in with excuses of why she can't do anything about it. Like she does not have time to talk or send a text or make point that something just happened she thought I would find funny etc it defeats the entire statement of she loves me.  When she sits in marriage counseling and says she is to tired to think and just so much going on taking care of her mother. That even the counselor trys to find ways to solve her problems but she refuses and has ready excuses. She is hiding from something. She has never asked for my help in 12 years or more and now that she has her family mad at me she can simply say no to my help because her family doesn't want me around her or her mother. Simple enough she has built a bullet proof wall against me and that says she does not love. Every action she makes throws out the possibility of love and care. 

She does not want to act on getting me back in the house and has never asked about moving stuff back to help me out. Instead the stuff I have not gotten out is being thrown in the garbage.  She complained about her daughter yelling at her to do yard work and shoveled snow yet would not ask for my help. When I questioned if she needed help she never said another word about any of it. It just seems way to sketchy to believe and yet it seems I am the only one that sees it.

Today is shaping up for another 70 degree day so should be a nice walk. I have a video doctors appointment this afternoon so kind of thinking I might take my head phones and have my call while walking. Just find a bench or hillside and pause my walking app and have visit then resume hehehe

Walk was good and hot and I added some extra insulation to door of rv so it is way warmer in her now hehehe

Had my doctor visit and we will be working with stuff.  I still think its the HTZ that's keeping my calcium high but will continue to work on things to stay healthy.  Tonight is aurora borealis night but we just got slammed with rain storm and no rain but tomorrow is cold and snow so yes we live in Wyoming hehehe. Tomorrow is marriage counseling day and I have not heard a peep about it but I am not going to be the one to bring it up or drive it any more. After the last two nights of totally worthless conversation because she thinks we both need to work at it but she doesn't have time or energy to do anything right now except for all the crap she does for her pastor. Grrrrrr.  GOD put a wall of contrite between my wife and her pastor. Make them turn in anger on each other that they may confess against each other and drive her away from him to be more open to You Lord instead of wanting him and not her husband. Please please Lord Move in and let me know which direction I need to run.

Well the wind is howling and I am going to try and get thos posted tonight so I don't end up with 2 on one date again heheh

Night