Day 205 The lonely mill continues

 


It's my bidirectional lizard hehehe. Jesus is my one true friend of which when I feel hated he reminds me the world hated Him first.

Today's daily devotional was about how we are better together but this is all I could answer.

Oh how I pray this is true. For 6 years my wife and kids and grandkids have all pushed me out and will and have not ever asked me for help or advice. The only people that desired my help and advice for the last 3 years has been my neighbors and that was the only joy I had in the world. I have always had tons of joy and love from God. But now that I am separated from my wife and after 6 month's of marriage counseling she finally said last night that we need to communicate better and it will take both of us. When I asked what she ment she said "you use to send me pictures of your day and little goodnight and good morning texts but you stopped a few weeks ago". Which, yes I started doing at the start of marriage counseling six months ago at the prompting of the Holy Spirit. But when I asked why she never reciprocated with same she said she was to busy and to tired to do that. So the only together I have is with some counselors and God and my daughter whom is a non-believer.
And now that I am homeless I no longer have neighbors.

Yep when someone tells you they love you and show zero signs they care for you or about you. When they tell you I will only talk to this person or that person and you can do whatever. When they tell you they don't want your help or concern for them. When they tell you they are to tired or busy to say nice thing randomly to you. When they tell you "I will only say I love you if you say it first" is ZERO relationship or love. It is sure not a marriage

God Father please guide me through this and let me have open doors for what I need to do. You Lord are the only one that can heal or resolve any of this and I wait for Your guidance and wisdom to know which path is the correct path to walk. I still feel Your hand on my chest in caution and wait but the wait is long and I grow so weary Father. Please please help my investigator to find the recording and get the police to find it not for justification but for something to help make the divorce equal and split the house so I have money to move on. Father I do not ever see my wife coming to love me or wanting me back in the house. So why must I wait for more suffering why must I dwell in loneliness and solitude for nothing. Please Father repair or move me. AMEN

 The walk today was really nice and warm. Lots of people out walking and ran acrossed 3 new friends while they taking a nap in the shade hehehe




They were all about scratching hehehe but got my 6+ in and alot of day dreaming of habitat for humanity giving me a chunk of land, house, metal shop, all off grid west of Burlington which is always fun to dream about and then getting my puppies and start living again.

Wow what a terrible phone call with my wife. Again she insists she tells me she loves me and I told her yes you tell me but I do not see any signs of you showing me love. Which again she says "I told tou I am to busy to do anything. I prompted again and all I got back was I don't know how to fix this and so I told her again I  sent pictures, good mornings, good nights, tried to share my day with her and again she doesn't have time for that stuff. Finally told I am all out everything I have tried has failed so I told her it's so very sad to hear this. Told her good night and hung up.


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