Day 198 Feeling kind of resentful today

 


Today I feel a little resentful against my wife and counselor and kind of the world since I have placed in this isolated life and the church and  counselor and her pastor and police her family all know some of the truth and the counselor especially seems to catch on sometimes but all seem so cold, resentful, hateful back and none will even attempt to connect with me to see how I am or what my side of the story is they all fall into line behind the lies my wife spreads. I guess it is true what she kept saying all these years she is perfect and I will never be good enough for her. 

So last friday I sent a text to the marriage counselor about me and my wife not talking since March 20th and she kept saying no she could not talk because of a high fever. And I asked if he had made contact with her because I have been praying she is OK and waiting for HER to contact me that she is OK and can talk once more. Today her re-posted the text in our marriage counseling group text and asked if this is true we need to defiantly have a meeting this week and we need to talk. But since nobody especially my wife wants to talk I think I will wait till Friday to reply unless she replies to the group. If she cancels again for some excuse then I will simply reply "I am at zero" pointing back to the question in our session of hope level of marriage being saved march 20th.

It's 65 degrees which feels nice in the sun but I got a lite shower twice while walking hehehe and heard 2 big thunder booms so april showers thing. Found a shop down at the end of orchard Ave that is solar powered hehehe has at least 4 or 5 kilowatts of solar hehehe 





man I wish someone would give me an off grid house out in the country west of Burlington hehehe  walk was good. This morning my wifes pastor was cruising around my RV trying to look non conspicuous and so I was outside walking to bathroom and zipped into bathroom an hid till he left. This just hours after the marriage counselor sends out text about "if it's true what Kevin has said and you guys have not talked since March 20th then we need to find a way to meet in person or over the phone this week" and of course I am betting my wife will either not answer or will private text him so as not to let me know what she is saying. Praying for legal counsel and house and movers all to happen tomorrow.

Man tonight I feel totally hopeless and alone. Down in the rut of hell. 

Lament 4/6/2025

I have sunken to the abyss of my heart and feel so much pain. 


The sorrow that my wife has caused has ripped apart my soul and heart. The blood lays sprayed all around me.


My body is aching from sorrow and I just wish to die.


I plead with my Lord to change my life to give me anything of comfort yet He does not hear me.


I feel my crying is in vain and I am so scared I will end my life in this homeless, painfull existence and never touch happiness again. 


My smile is gone and cheer I will not find. All love has been drained of my body and I am dehydrated of love.


My God will not save me and I feel so alone. I just want my Lord to save me and take me to a warmer place. 


Please please oh Lord lift me and provide me a open path to remove myself from this torture. Please please please oh Lord grant me pardon to exile and let me reat among the tombstones. Take me to a loving hearth and let me feel love once again. Father please please open the doors that may dissappear from this life.




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