Day 177 Back to CHILLING

 


Yep today we are back to the big winter mode and I am very comfortable hiding under the blankets. Today I am pleading please pleading with God for letting me have the truth in my life that I know I have lived. Let me throw satan completely out of my life life right now and restore the true reality of my life. Of Father give me truth and let me live in the peace of this truth wherever it puts me please please oh Lord give me my life back.

In the cold and rain/snow I do not want to walk nor do I really want to open the RV door hehehe my mind is a buzz of constant pleading for my truth back that satans cover would be ripped from their lips and confessing will spew forth from them that I will know that I am not lying but instead have really lived what I know I have.  I just want it so bad.

3/18/2025 Lament

Lord my mind grows sad and my heart drops to low depths.

My life is but drawing to departure from reality.

I feel so forsaken as I know everything that has happened in my life.

Yet the close people and distant people around me proclaim I have made it up and it is not true. 

They tell me that the lies they proclaim are my truth and that they are innocent of the sins they have done against me and you my Lord.

Yet it goes so well for them to turn blind eyes and walk on living as though no one will find out the real truth. 

They whisper alone that I can not prove their lies because they have destroyed all evidence of them.

I look and each time I say here is some proof they call me crazy abusive hostial and proclaim therefore they are right and not I.

How I cry for your love God, how I cry for my truth Lord. But my tears fall to dry sand and disappear as never were they there. 

Father rip the truth from their lips, resound your glory through this servant that I can testify of your glory and truth and not be shund as a non believer because I am called crazy. 

Father comfort me with Your arms of safety and wipe my tears from my face as I look to your shield.

Oh Lord tell me I am in my right mind and that you will keep me close and real. Please Lord do not leave me alone in a word of lies and wrong reality that hides the sins of those that say they love me yet whisper I can never prove my truth because they destroy it to fast. 

My Lord I love you and you guide me and tell me things to write and say. You tell me my life over and and over so I will not lose my way to the evil. And I know you protect and keep it for me but why can I not have it in the real world, why am I only allowed it with you.

You tell me soon and the signs to happen yet months have pasted and I grow so weary.

Lord brace my feet and build me up for what it is I will need to endure for the end to be. 

########$$$$$####

Well tonight I thought since my wife has told me several times "my pastor said to tell you everything you have said, thought, heard, or done for the last 25 years is a fictitious fairytale lie" I would talk tonight about my friend max stopping by whom is a fish carp type and tell her all about the conversation we had. To which she tried to stop several times but I kept going finally she made the point that we were to read scriptures once a week which we already had but I read her the book of Habukkuk in the old testament which is all about God wiping out a very bad bunch of Jews with the babalonians and leaving the good to be blessed and rise again. Which she never has time to read or study anything because she is to busy for marriage and needs to concentrate on meeting the every whim of her pastor boy. So I know the whole reading was a waste. But hey I will keep pointing out judgement on sin as long as she keeps lying about hers. 

The wind gusts got above 60mph today shaking the RV pretty good but are dying down so maybe it will be a nice night although it will be cold the rest of the week. It's still winter in Wyoming hehehehe see everyone tomorrow 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Year 1.4 soot sooty

Image
  This is the day the Lord has made. I still am upset that this day will pass so quickly and I will have nothing to reflect upon except the speed at which it went by. I am still homeless and lonely and praying for help and rescue yet the adversary is still parading around and gleaming in the happiness of their lies and getting everything the world can give them while I scrape to survive and pray for every speck of love God will give me. I watch as the people around increase in violence and rage and hangings and shootings and assassination threats become the everyday normal. People killing each other without regard to other lives and all for the idea of a skin color, a monetary status, a better idea of life, etc. God is shut away and satan rules the lives around me. I am hated and isolated for the peace of God comfort and protection. There is no way God will fix my marriage because the hate and attempted murder. God will keep me away by their hate to protect me. There is no way God ...
Read more

Year 1.178 noise noise

Image
  This mornings daily devotional email was in my inbox today so the battle rages on. This morning the noise is loud and I mean loud. Starting at 5am cars starting and reving up and car alarms going off and sirens racing past the camper. All with the level like they were inside beside me. The noise and busy still echo and pound and the world is trying to be noticed. It's like satan is driving the point of the associate pastor in the police car straight at me. But God let's a devotional email through this morning about using Gods lens on the out come of our world.  No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. ~ 1 Corinthians 9:27 NIV The saying "mind over matter" is missing one word—spiritual. It should read "spiritual mind over matter," but the overlying theme remains true no matter the version you use. This phrase speaks to the power of your thoughts and how all ...
Read more

Day 244 the memorial day weekend whoppee

Image
  Maybe I am just seeing the negative in my marriage and wanting it to end. Should I be concerned that my wife does not respect me. Should it not bother me that she only talks to other men and leaves the house to stand in the yard so I can't hear. Should I care that she doesn't talk to me at all about anything to do with other people and that her social media life is totally a secret life from me. Should I worry that she tells other family members to hate me and try to drive me away.  It just seems so hard to be in a world like this and think that is what God wants for me.  Today's devotional was about hopes and this is my hope. This is soooo true and everyday when I go on my walks Jesus is right there loving me the whole walk. And I see it weather it's the dogs that run to the fences with toys and wagging tails just to see me wave hi or the squirrels sitting on fence posts watching do pushups. Or the horses and cows running up the fences for a good head scratch.  Je...
Read more