Day 175 The imposed day off.

 


The sabbath, a day of rest and worship. I just keep thinking about how the marriage counselor seems to think my wife is doing so well and takes our marriage at her words when she has done nothing to remove the hate and anger she has imposed on her family members towards me and I doubt if she ever will. The counselor has mentioned several times that I will have to meet with them and apologize for what I said yet my wife is the only one that has talked to them for I have said nothing.  She continues to hide and lie about her day. Yesterday I had to drive by her house and I believe her sisters car was there for over an hour but in the call last night I asked if she had to talk alot as a prompt to saying her sister came to visit. And she just said no her mother doesn't like to talk much. So then I asked about her other sister calling the day before and she couldn't remember but then she said oh yes she talked a lot about her grandkids needing babysitting and she couldn't do it because her husband was sick. But still nothing about her sister being there. Its like she will never talk to me or tell the truth about anything so with all this grabbing me and saying why go back to this I guess I really hope the investigator will decide to look into finding my audio file and complaint and with some grounds of her covering up police files I can tell her church this is why I am divorcing her.

Ever wonder what your reality is? Man today I am sure pondering that a lot and also what God says about my reality versus the the world according to my wife. I decided to text our marriage counselor yesterday and ask for clarification on our session and if I should have excused myself for the last 2/3 of it since he was talking to my wife about her mother and he said it was for my benefit since she was feeling like a failure for falling asleep and her mother going to the bathroom on her own. To which I replied sorry I did not know any of this and so I did not have enough information to be part of the conversation. And he brushes it off like I should have know yet I complain all the time about NO communication between me and wife and she has told me many times she never talks to our marriage counselor and yet here he is telling me about her feelings and things that have happened to her which I never did and never will hear about. So now to God's reality for me. If God's main goal is to use me for His glory then when I see all this and recognize the lies and things happening forcing a different reality of their making on me I come to the conclusion according to the Bible that I need to report my findings to God and turn the battle over to His control but it is very hard.

So please God I know You know my heart and mind and soul yet I struggle with a reality I walk through and the close ones around me forcing a false reality upon me. Lord let me report my findings to You and ask that You Lord will find me worthy to continue working the fields You have laid before me. Let me glorify You oh Lord that the strength and endurance You Lord have given me is for You knowing that the false reality around me is totally being taken care of by my Lord and savior Christ Jesus. Give me the peace and joy to leave it to You Lord and may I listen for Your Guidance continuely. AMEN

The whole day seems filled with wanting and longing for my puppies and a home OH PLEASE PLEASE LORD HELP ME LIVE. GIVE ME MY PUPPIES AND A HOME TO WORK MY FINAL DAYS IN LORD PLEASE .AMEN 

Medications all taken the day is winding down. Tomorrow is Monday and a new week. I reach out and I cry for help but still nothing happens please lord lead me to your arms of love and safety.


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