Day 174 what will the day be

 

Sometimes I feel like I am all dressed up and no place to go. It's cold out and probably won't be going much but I am anticipating things might happen today if God deems them necessary so I  anticipate the move and know it's up to God.

The was cold and sunny then about half way through my walk it warmed up and got cloudy. So it's not bad but cloudy right now. I mean it's still only 45 but not bad. The nose doesn't run or anything. 

They had the food bank running today and so we grabbed a box and split it up and got some free food. Then for lunch we ran to greybull to get propane but it was closed so we ate at brandies candies a sub shop which is always good. Maybe Monday when propane is open can eat at a and w hehehe.  

Still no word on PI so maybe God is not ready for that yet. I do pray that God will help me and smooth out my life to a REAL reality that I have lived and makes the transition to it smooth and easy.

Well got a reply from the marriage counselor this is what our conversation was like.

Counselor 

I hope you don't mind me asking this and it's not meant to be offensive. But in the marriage counseling session you asked our level of hope and reasons then talked a bit about the levels of communication and finally the story of dinner with Simon. Then you made the point about it only taking 10 to 15 minutes. At that point, the entire conversation went towards your upcoming class and about my wife caring for her mother. Did I overstay my welcome? I get the feeling as soon as the conversation turned to my wife I should have been excused since we were done with marriage counseling and left so you two could talk. Should I be better at understanding and ask if the session is over or was there something I missed altogether?  Thanks, Kevin

Kevin, the story about Simon was a model of the conversation I’m hoping you and your wife can have.  As such that very much involved you. I too am not meaning to be offensive and I’m sorry that connection was missed.  As for discussion about your wife's mother, I also want you to understand the difficulties that caregiving brings as a means to greater understanding of her emotional fatigue and difficulty processing emotional content.  The reason I spent so much time with her was because of her communicated inability to process which I assumed was due to the weight of her caregiving responsibilities and the feelings of failure due to falling asleep while her mother took herself to the bathroom on your wife's watch.  Because of the oneness that marriage represents any information that would help your wife can be valuable to you.  That said, I will be more sensitive to be sure your inclusion is better communicated.  Hope this helps.

Counselor 

Yes I too know a little of the stress involved in caregivers I started out my long work in 1977 in Hillcrest medical center and rehabilitation in Tulsa ok. I was an orderly and got all the great jobs. But since it was the national burn center I remeber 1 little guy that was 8 months old and his mother decided to burn the devil out of him for crying and put him in the oven. When he was recovered enough to be out they put him by the nurses station and he would throw toys out for anyone to fetch for him. He was a blast to try and sneak up on. Hehehehe I am sorry but I didn't know my wife was feeling like a failure or falling asleep. I guess I did not have enough information to follow the conversation. Sorry

So it seems since my wife told me her and the counselor never talk that they do indeed talk and evidently a lot. To which I have told him and many people she never talked to me or delt with me she wanted me gone, yet they all think I  am lying and crazy because that is what she tells them so they will never believe anything I say.

To that I am off to bed cause this just kind of fried my tater tots  see everyone tomorrow