Day 169 and the show must go on

 

Let the show go on they screamed hehehehe

I feel so strong about not knowing how I should feel it's making me crazy. But I am feeling very content on knowing that God is working and doing things in my life and making a way for me to walk. I feel pretty sure my marriage is coming to an end and that I will be disappearing soon I just wish it was today but it may be next year grrrrr but God says wait. And for all I know God may just flip the switch and I see every sign of a wife that wants me back and wants to be together as one. GOD can do anything but I feel the pressure of my timing and not Gods timing heheheh

Today it is 60 plus and so vereeeery nice to walk in. Finished my walk in t-shirt and felt great although I am still feeling the lack of calcium zinc magnesium.

The lamas were sleeping in the sun and so were most the horses hehehe. I almost want to grab a chair and sit outside. 

I am kind of tempted to ask my wife tonight if there is anything about our marriage or relationship she would like to talk about and when she says no tell her that's what I figured. And let it drop there and start shutting down the phone call.  Also feel strongly about asking the marriage counselor if I am right in thinking we are building towards a life together without any intimacy or relationship just 2 people with a paper that says married?

So tonight's call was another link in the trap I believe. I told you about couple days ago about my friend from her church that is kind of a spy for them since they have mentioned many times that they would like someone to come alone side of me and help through the process someone I trust from her church and always mentioned his name. And he texted me after a long silence and asked how marriage counseling was going to which I knew he was trying to gather intel for our marriage counselor since I have told him 3 times now I  am OK and don't feel like talking to him alone about marriage. mostly because of all the entrapment statements he has made in marriage counseling I do not think he would be encouragement. So tonight I was trying to engage in some kind of talk other then her mother's diarrhea and she (after all these excuses of why she could not read or study any verses I looked up for her over a week of calls) she out of the blues comes up with a verse she wrote down Corinthians 6 and I  asked her what is was about and she said "about being a Christian"  so I looked up 1 and 2nd Corinthians 6 and 1 Corinthians 6 was about how to tell a person is a non believer which her and the counselor have pointed out if they can PROVE I am a non believer the bible says she can be a good Christian and divorce me. Which I know is were she wanted me to read and it was a trap to tell me they think they have proof I am a non believer. The 2nd Corinthians is a letter from Paul talking about being good Christians even through our bad walks because we know we are servants of God. So I read this one also because it Points out Paul knows they are lying to him. Which was a great verse to read to her. But she said yes that's it and left it at that. 

So tonight I am praying to God to protect me and guide me through all these snares and watch me and give me words to enforce the work you are doing. God I love you for protecting me and all the help and guidance you have given. Keep me safe and watch me so I am on your path.  Keep me from the snares of those whom seek to trap me.

Later tonight I thought or was prompted to send my wife a text with a goodnight picture so I said not sure if you want these since you never say anything about liking them or not. And she sends back yes send them anytime so now I sit and wonder was satan using her and she didn't understand any of it or is she trying to be nice so I won't catch on to the game of proving it.  Man this is TOTALLY in Gods hands because it is way out of my league.