Day 161 Seems the world is a lie.

 


We are geared to hear and react but the world wants the reactions to be incoherent and splotchy. Yet God wants our path to be straight and narrow. I am not sure how many people take all the thoughts of what they have heard and line them up to see what they point to but in my wifes case, when I think back to actions and words spoken and the direction they were heading I can see from 2009 a clear direction pointing to to my not being good enough for her in anyway. Mostly in bed, but gifts were not every penny I could scrape together instead were sense able and in budget which a budget was below her high standards. So as I follow thus trail to currently I see the breaking away. The stopping in communications and hints from those she talks to about her being correct in wanting a divorce. Although she has never said the word to me she is very diligence in making sure I hear from others. And I piece these together in seeing a string layed along a path of lies to make me walk away and not press for divorce so she doesn't have to sell her house un a divorce. She has lost the death deal and her life insurance doesn't seem possible any more so now I see the grasping at straws to figure out how to make me disappear without losing anything.  Yet God keeps telling me wait and stand by. Do my studies do my work in His kingdom but wait and stand by. I (and this is me thinking) have a strong sense that this is going to be quite fine surgical of a removal but I will be blessed for my patience and work in trusting Him.

So the counselor reached out today with no words of encouragement or verses or things will be better just the simple statement of "how are you doing?" Which I had dozens of replies snap into my head but the Holy Spirit shot each one down and then I started looking into scriptures and thought maybe I will send one of these and point to a few things I see wrong like everyone will hate me and talk bad about me because I am a Christian but as I read through them I realized that is not how they read so the Holy Spirit said type this "I am finding my most comfort in the scriptures and the Spirit"  to which he replied after a few hours that is the right place to go trust in God. 

So today was another beautiful day to walk and day dream about getting a house in the country with enough land I could get every in one place and sell everything and I got a divorce and started a new life with all the places consolidated into this new place and I got custody of my 2 puppies and I spent the first night in my new home with my puppies on the couch looking out the living windows watching the sunset. Oh oh how I long for a new life with this type of setting. Please Lord help me to get there and out of this steam mill of lies. I BEG OF YOU LORD TO SET ME FREE TO ENJOY MY LIFE TILL THE END. Amen

See everyone Monday. 

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