Day 159 The day before madness.

 


What is this day to bring?

As the day started it was slow and tired like most. My daughter seems to slept better with the new pads on her neck brace and I was up till midnight waiting for the ground to freeze so I could get water and pack it back to rv without mud. I was up and moving by 6:30am so played games and wondered what all had happened Thursday. My wife misses marriage counseling because of doctor check up which she's is typing back into the group chat and I am not sure she knew it. But I asked what was wrong and she said wellness check up for Medicare which seemed strange she would make the appointment over counseling without knowing the day before when counselor was asking yet the counselor seemed to know about it and said "oh that's right I forgot" which tells me it was something way more that I am not to know about. Then there's Holy Spirit tells me to send a private text to counselor that I am close to giving up on my marriage. He replies back that he would like to meet with me and try to be an encouragement. For some reason I have no feelings on wanting to meet with him. A few minutes later he texts me with "I can't meet now I have emergency at church"  (which is the same time my wife thought she would be done with her wellness checkup) so he says he would still like to meet maybe 5pm or Friday. To which I have not replied yet and won't but I think God has began moving and although I hate the silence I keep feeling I need to stay alone and safe till God contacts me with what to do. About 4pm after the emergency at the church and still in the group she texted " I don't feel good will talk to you tomorrow" so now I even feel stronger about God moving and so all day today I have been anticipating God to contact me but everything is very quite and still. My walk was beautiful and warm and my daughter got a short walk in then I came home to rv and fell asleep all afternoon feeling relaxed and comforted. Now its 5 and time that I should be asking if my wife wants to talk but think I will go bathroom first then send out text and see what happens tonight. I am pretty sure I will get a full story of lies and nothing tonight will be the truth. But I feel the Holy Spirit is saying just pretend it's a normal night and let her talk and then hang up. Whatever is going on is in Gods control and I just need to rely totally on Him.

The day did wind up with a phone call from my wife and I feel the Holy Spirit was right. She said she saw the doctor and had really bad headaches and diarrhea then said that is why she could not got to marriage counseling but then continued saying it was just a wellness checkup for Medicare and she needs to return for blood tests. Which a checkup would have told you they were drawing blood and you needed to fast so everything would be done on that appointment and now I know it was lies about what the appointment was about and what she has told the counselor etc. But God says play it cool and relax and HE will make things happen. Wait for God to contact my moves. And tonight I am sleepy and groggy so heading to pillow time.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Year 1.4 soot sooty

Image
  This is the day the Lord has made. I still am upset that this day will pass so quickly and I will have nothing to reflect upon except the speed at which it went by. I am still homeless and lonely and praying for help and rescue yet the adversary is still parading around and gleaming in the happiness of their lies and getting everything the world can give them while I scrape to survive and pray for every speck of love God will give me. I watch as the people around increase in violence and rage and hangings and shootings and assassination threats become the everyday normal. People killing each other without regard to other lives and all for the idea of a skin color, a monetary status, a better idea of life, etc. God is shut away and satan rules the lives around me. I am hated and isolated for the peace of God comfort and protection. There is no way God will fix my marriage because the hate and attempted murder. God will keep me away by their hate to protect me. There is no way God ...
Read more

Year 1.178 noise noise

Image
  This mornings daily devotional email was in my inbox today so the battle rages on. This morning the noise is loud and I mean loud. Starting at 5am cars starting and reving up and car alarms going off and sirens racing past the camper. All with the level like they were inside beside me. The noise and busy still echo and pound and the world is trying to be noticed. It's like satan is driving the point of the associate pastor in the police car straight at me. But God let's a devotional email through this morning about using Gods lens on the out come of our world.  No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. ~ 1 Corinthians 9:27 NIV The saying "mind over matter" is missing one word—spiritual. It should read "spiritual mind over matter," but the overlying theme remains true no matter the version you use. This phrase speaks to the power of your thoughts and how all ...
Read more

Day 244 the memorial day weekend whoppee

Image
  Maybe I am just seeing the negative in my marriage and wanting it to end. Should I be concerned that my wife does not respect me. Should it not bother me that she only talks to other men and leaves the house to stand in the yard so I can't hear. Should I care that she doesn't talk to me at all about anything to do with other people and that her social media life is totally a secret life from me. Should I worry that she tells other family members to hate me and try to drive me away.  It just seems so hard to be in a world like this and think that is what God wants for me.  Today's devotional was about hopes and this is my hope. This is soooo true and everyday when I go on my walks Jesus is right there loving me the whole walk. And I see it weather it's the dogs that run to the fences with toys and wagging tails just to see me wave hi or the squirrels sitting on fence posts watching do pushups. Or the horses and cows running up the fences for a good head scratch.  Je...
Read more