Day 158 Will there be counseling and will it prove beneficial?

 


So today will be marriage counseling after a 3 week of Non because of illness or other but we had 1 session in January 23rd after a 3 week vacation of the counselor so I feel so uncomfortable going into this. On one hand I am praying that God will inflict walls between my wife and her preacher man to stop all exchanges of emotions and care between them even going to the extremes of taking satan completely out and forcing her to confront her lies and hidden secrets and confess. Leading to either a repentance and desire to save what she is trying so hard to destroy or open her desires to completely destroy that which God desires and I walk away today looking for the legal help to severe the situation. I feel there is distancing between my communication with God and my direction but I am pleading with God today for Him to be in full control of my mind, heart and tounge. To accomplish that which He wants for my life.

Well by 1pm I am feeling lonely, tired, scared and wanting to quit this marriage and find a new life. Well my wife sends a text to the counseling group 3 of us that she is at doctor and may not make session. So I send back a whos seeing doctor and what for is something wrong. Well the counselor says "oh yes I remember now"  and I  get a "just a wellness check for Medicare" so I am pretty down now because I  was left out again and then they act like I am a fool and do they know anything. I know my wife has been battling a fever blister as she called it for 5 days and it has gone away. I KNOW it harpies and she is at the doctor for an STD which is really making me want to dump this thing. Then I head out for a walk and chat with God and as I am walking He tells me to send a text to counselor stating I am close to the end of battling and thinking I may be to the point of giving up. And then my thoughts move to the image the Holy Spirit gave me 3 days ago and start to feel that God is purging. If my wife is at doctor during counseling for STD and I am being held in safety while they start battling from the inside. Then I start getting the feeling I may be watching as this closes and God starts opening up a place to move and a divorce to get me there. Then earlier today my VOA counselor said she could get me legal help faster and free so now it seems that maybe God is working here and I now see and end coming. The counselor texted me back and said he would like to encourage me and meet with me at normal time and then he texted back and said he couldn't he got called to an emergency at the church and my little mind is going "is my wife in crisis? Did she find out she has HIV as well?" Then he texts back maybe at 5pm or tomorrow he can talk with me but I am thinking if this is God working I get the feeling of drawing way back till God prompts me to say something. 

So now I am at rv not really wanting to talk with my wife tonight and not really wanting to talk with anyone except God and my daughter.

I think this weekend is going to shape a lot of thing for me. I PRAY 
The picture from Holy Spirit 


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