Day 155 is my reality of Gods will

 


Am I just old toast floating away or is there a reality I acrually exist in? I think of all the secrets and lies my wife is hiding and yet so many believe they are my lies because she has made everyone believe I made the stuff up and therefore I am dangerous. Like the death threat recording. Yet under her breath where no one can hear she reminds me over and over that no body will ever find it because she had the police completely erase it. So I am stuck in a reality of her design and forced to live by her constraints of sexual bribery and evidence tampering and affairs. My marriage counseling is almost non existing since we have had 1 session in 2 months. There is a possibility of a session this week since it will be warmer but it's am just so torn as to how she is changing email address and Facebook accounts so I can't see what she is doing online and the church tells me I am not allowed to know anything about her but yet we are to be getting back together. 

So today it's almost 50 degrees and my walk was amazing. Nice quite warm I even made a friend along the way. 


And yes I made him hahaha after my walk my secret candy lady dropped off some chocolates but it was still so nice I decided to sit outside and blog and game at the picnic table behind rv. I guess there seems to be a lot of times I would like to be off grid camping in the forest with nobody around just spend days like this soaking up sunshine and nature.

So really weird call with my wife tonight she sounded really upset or stressed when I asked if she was ok she replied that she hasn't slept at all for the last 2 days. Says she wakes up at midnight and 3 and can't get back to sleep except in order to wake up at different times she must have been asleep. Anyway I asked what was troubling her and she didn't know so basically she has problems I can't know about and she will not talk about but I assume it's to make me feel bad or something but if she won't tell me it's nothing I am concerned about. Now I am tossing if I should send her pictures or a goodnight are what I should do or just leave it alone and see if she asks about pictures or not. Guess I will send a goodnight sleep tight thing and call it good.


Well my day has been somewhat good still congested in sinuses but lung staying clear fever staying under 100 so think this bout of pneumonia is closing out.  See ya all tomorrow 

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