Day 152 Did it just seem like God did something or was I just sick?

 


So as high as my fever was 104 and as bad as I felt I called off marriage counseling since I knew I would not make it. I battled all day and finally messaged the VA but I tried another shot of gin and at 930pm it broke my fever and started to clear so did I walk into a diva cloud at Walmart and get pneumonia by chance or is God working something I don't see. I mean like my wife sent me a text saying "Sorry you got pneumonia  again. Rest, stay warm, take care. Love you" which seems non-concerned but then i got wondering if God is doing something behind the scenes and a session might have changed it. I don't know but I hope to find out soon.

As I keep opening my mind thoughts of level 1 communications keeps coming in and wondering if me and my wife will ever reach this level. I have the strongest sense that should be my next question to the counselor is can he start teaching us to communicate in hopes that we might reach that level. He seems very content on believing my wife that everything is great and yet does not listen to what I am saying. And when I say something controversial in session she refute it with a lie or gets mad that I am exposing something wrong.  But then my mind goes back to the death threat from her lover and all her attention on her pastor and how she got police records erased with I assume sex. I just wish the truth would come out so that people would know all the lies she is telling them about me and about us. But I know if the truth of sex and fraud and cover up and affairs were knowen I would be looking for a divorce lawyer pronto. I just wish it would come out and that way if the truth is something innocent I would know where my heart should lead.

Well short and stupid phone call with my wife again tonight. I get the mother act like you need sleep and rest to get better. Then quick complaints because she is trying to take care of her boyfriend church pastor's grandson as well as her mother and oh my she didn't get to eat cause she was so busy. ITS A LOAD OF BULLSHIT.  If she would stop being in love with her pastor he would stop using her like a bar of soap. PLEASE GOD PUT ANIMOSITY AND HATE BETWEEN THRM LET THE TRUTH OF WHAT THEY ARE DOING COME OUT. I am ready if this blows up and they find the death threat recording and corruption in the police and affairs then I  am ready to walk away. But God you are allowing a church to be eaten and I beg of you stop them before it is destroyed.




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