Day 128 At what age do we become less interesting?

 


If we were to function at only 2 levels and those were hearing and smell could we actually have relationships that have meaning? Over the last 8 years my wife has been making new facebook accounts and Instagram a bunch of social media accounts under different names and address etc. But she hides them and does not what me to know anything about them, which swings the gap for mistrust wiiiiidee open. So far I have found 26 and yesterday on the scan of the dark web I found 2 more she used my cellphone number with one of her normal fake names with an address in Toledo Ohio. Now today I am wondering, OK know that she plays the no talk game so she won't get caught talking about something from her hidden dark side. Would I be able to have a full relationship again? What a pondering question.

So almost 30 again and the walk was great. Mr Goose still hanging in there but I worry about him, he has found a pretty good hiding spot but eats very little. I did notice her ate some of the popcorn I put out for him. I hate to call game and fish in Wyoming because they just youthenze animals instead of trying to save them. At least on his own he has a chance. I almost feel like sneaking him out to the house on my walk that has a bunch of geese hehehe put him in with them. 

Not sure why but I just keep thinking more and more of a new life alone then staying married because I do not see any relationship signs coming from my wife at all. She is to tired or busy with her mother to talk to me, read her Bible, text me, think of me, yet when the pastor of her church asks her to work in nursery or babysittes his grandson or do something at the church she will drop her mom somewhere and jump right to what he wants. Maybe I am looking at this wrong but it is not a relationship in my view.

Wow just finished my call with my wife and feel very disappointed. Same conversation as always " what did you have for breakfast and lunch. " then the full run down on everything wrong with her mother along with she is to tired to talk and is so busy she doesn't even have time to prepare anything for us to talk about. Say a prayer and hang up. Right now it seems soooo worthless to even call any more.

But try to see the good I guess. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Year 1.4 soot sooty

Image
  This is the day the Lord has made. I still am upset that this day will pass so quickly and I will have nothing to reflect upon except the speed at which it went by. I am still homeless and lonely and praying for help and rescue yet the adversary is still parading around and gleaming in the happiness of their lies and getting everything the world can give them while I scrape to survive and pray for every speck of love God will give me. I watch as the people around increase in violence and rage and hangings and shootings and assassination threats become the everyday normal. People killing each other without regard to other lives and all for the idea of a skin color, a monetary status, a better idea of life, etc. God is shut away and satan rules the lives around me. I am hated and isolated for the peace of God comfort and protection. There is no way God will fix my marriage because the hate and attempted murder. God will keep me away by their hate to protect me. There is no way God ...
Read more

Year 1.178 noise noise

Image
  This mornings daily devotional email was in my inbox today so the battle rages on. This morning the noise is loud and I mean loud. Starting at 5am cars starting and reving up and car alarms going off and sirens racing past the camper. All with the level like they were inside beside me. The noise and busy still echo and pound and the world is trying to be noticed. It's like satan is driving the point of the associate pastor in the police car straight at me. But God let's a devotional email through this morning about using Gods lens on the out come of our world.  No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. ~ 1 Corinthians 9:27 NIV The saying "mind over matter" is missing one word—spiritual. It should read "spiritual mind over matter," but the overlying theme remains true no matter the version you use. This phrase speaks to the power of your thoughts and how all ...
Read more

Day 244 the memorial day weekend whoppee

Image
  Maybe I am just seeing the negative in my marriage and wanting it to end. Should I be concerned that my wife does not respect me. Should it not bother me that she only talks to other men and leaves the house to stand in the yard so I can't hear. Should I care that she doesn't talk to me at all about anything to do with other people and that her social media life is totally a secret life from me. Should I worry that she tells other family members to hate me and try to drive me away.  It just seems so hard to be in a world like this and think that is what God wants for me.  Today's devotional was about hopes and this is my hope. This is soooo true and everyday when I go on my walks Jesus is right there loving me the whole walk. And I see it weather it's the dogs that run to the fences with toys and wagging tails just to see me wave hi or the squirrels sitting on fence posts watching do pushups. Or the horses and cows running up the fences for a good head scratch.  Je...
Read more