Day 125 Is this the last cold weekend?

 I could say it's nice to see things warming up but then I think of all the yard work and landscaping I won't be doing the summer and it saddens me to know in the years of my life when I so enjoy doing it I have been driven away from it and maybe for the rest of my life. I know that for the last 10 or more years I would plan flowers and fruit plants etc to make the yard beautiful and productive and my wife did not care or even look. She was to busy on the phone or at the church. I even tried many times take her out to look but she did not want to. So all the satisfaction was from myself. But without this summer I will be lost. I pray that God would bring this back to my life and let me tend a yard of my own, let me create the beauty He so loving instills in my heart.

Wow it was calm sunny and cold hehehe but the walk was great. Mr Goose I saw yesterday in the fairgrounds actually spent the night in one of the camping spots there. Note the RV power hookup box's on the fence posts hehehe

So he is a well trained traveler hehehe. And also knows hunting isn't allowed in town hehehehe. It's like only 19 degrees out so had to mask up, but that makes all the difference in the world. Sun was out in full but had no signs of melting since it was to cold. Think it's highs in teens and lows below zero till monday then they are saying next week by Friday should be almost 40 for highs. 

The last week in January then February is on the way. The first week of February my daughter has lots of pre-surgery visits and hoping that we can go right from those to surgery that week or the next so she can start to have some relief I so pray that we might find a place to move into and start living. 

I have a fear or concern that marriage counseling is going to try and make a big thing out my wife's birthday and I  do not want to be involved if that makes sense because she did not even want anything to do with me up until my birthday and the only thing she did was send me a text saying "happy birthday" if she is telling everyone I left HER because SHE did not want to go to marriage counseling then I am kind of inclined to refuse helping her stroke her ego. But I know a lot of it has to do with the damage my self esteem got from her over the last 8 years.

So after another exactly the same nothing phone call with my wife I am talking with my daughter and she points out that since my wife won't say anything and refuses to discuss anything and acts like someone in the witness protection program that just got found is the bases of my frustration because I am confused about any direction or achievements in this relationship since nobody talks to me at all. Which yes I had to agree with her so onward I go with only God to guide me. 

And on a side note I have tested 2 AI drawing apps and neither one knows what a narwhal whale is hehehe but they will put a horn on a dolphin instead hehehe.  Kind of a funny thing.  The day is almost over and I again am hoping to maybe see the aurora borealis tonight. So here's to luck hahaha