Day 124 When I look for a path and all the books are empty

 

It's amazing how much I search and how little I find that makes sense. I know the past and I have lived the experiences and yet nothing helps with knowing the path to choose. But I do find they are very pressing at forming an emotional guide to where I think I want to go. Yet in prayer I find the answer is "wait for the sign" yet my mind wants a direction to walk. So the biggest prayer is patience to listen to God's direction and quit forming my own. 

Isa 58:11 Darby and Jehovah will guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and strengthen thy bones; and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a water-spring, whose waters deceive not.

Pro 3:5-6 Darby ⁵ Confide in Jehovah with all thy heart, and lean not unto thine own intelligence; ⁶ in all thy ways acknowledge him, and he will make plain thy paths.

Psa 119:133 Darby Establish my steps in thy *word; and let not any iniquity have dominion over me.

The day turned out nice with lots of open sky. There was a lone goose walking around the fairgrounds durning my walk which was fun hehehe. Lots of melting going on and about 29 degrees so was nice walk. Lots of day dreaming as I walked and trying to make a plan but I know if it's not right with God's will it won't work hehehe.

I am just getting more distrustful of things mostly my marriage and keep thinking if this is were we are going to end up as married, two people never talking and never sharing any emotions or trust then if they say that's great we can move in together I am pretty sure I will file for divorce because that would be saying nothing changed we just got you both to except were your living right now and that's going to be all you get. I mean she won't offer any information and will not answer most all questions. She will tell me everything her mother is going through and she will answer questions like what she ate for breakfast or lunch but first has to tell me what her mother ate and how much. Then she MIGHT ask about my back but it is always the same questions she asks so pretty sure it's just something to try and sound concerned other wise she would make note of the changes I tell her about instead of sames questions that are no longer relevant. Then if I ask about something new or anything else she wants to say it's always NO so yeah to have a conversation longer then 15 minutes is unusual. Well going to check a few times outside tonight for the aurora borealis and hope to see it. Guess I will hunker down under the blankets and play some games. Although I have been sleeping longer and no issues with my back so maybe February will be my last month and I can start taking care of my daughter when she has her surgery. And I also had a thought of maybe I should by a fairly large metal shop building and insulate it and build a small house inside the back on my property in worland and move in there and just make it off grid and total electric. Totally dislike the neighbors but it would be cheap enough to do then sell it later and move on to new if I find one. Talk to you all tomorrow.