Day 122 So how to wonder about nothing.

 As I was leaving the house this morning on my faithful steed I thought about what the day would be like if nothing happened and everything I thought of was nothing. Does that make the day worthless or successful since I accomplished everything of nothing that I did.

So last night stayed around 20 degrees and was really warm hehehe compared to minus 14 so that was good and it's around 27 degrees and cloudy and wind blowing like crazy. But we talked before my walk and it was pretty good. Did not wear my cold coat and stayed warm with mask on. Been trying to get the RV set so the furnace runs every hour so not to make park owner mad and I am still thinking pretty hard on a ecoflow wave 2 heat pump. Max solar input is 400 watts but it will run for 8 hours on a charge and I have 25 345 watt solar panels so 1 panel strapped to the front of rv would heat and cool rv off sunshine and save me a bunch. But then I so badly want a house to live in and there seems to be a bunch showing up livable but unfinished that you can get and finish and sell or stay and payments would be less then rent. Have voa check today on setting goals and trying to get a place to live. I noticed that a certain realtor is listing some of these home to be finished at low prices. So maybe I will send them an inquiry email and see what they have maybe outside of towns like Manderson etc and check into that area or I guess if worst case I could build a metal shop large enough to put a house in back and live there until my future becomes apparent but who knows. I will keep trying and when God says this will work things will go like clockwork. I guess I should get the handrail out and see what I need to mount it on the RV so my daughter can get in and out easily after neck surgery. And I guess there is the thought that says I find a house just like I want to move in and finish it and decide I don't want to move out so then what. I guess that would be a test of my marriage if she lives in her house and I live in mine for the remaining days. 

I guess my biggest problem is that right now even though my wife maybe talking or should say responding more openly like she will comment on a picture now is I send one she still will not talk. Everything of her life seems a big secret and the marriage counselor has eludes to this also when I asked how we were doing taxes this he said they will have to think on it because they do not wanting me to know anything of her banking info etc so I have decided I will do mine and if they decide we can do it together it just to bad. So if we get back together am I just a shadow living there but can't do anything, am not the head of household, I will be denied any financial relationship. I am sorry but if that ends up being the marriage I will walk away.

Well my wife let me call tonight since she was home sick and yes she took her temp and found out she is sick. I reminded her of what the infection control person at the hospital always preached about the 72 hour rule and she ignored it but she did say she was not going tomorrow so I did not have to cancel. Now I suppose our marriage counselor is going to say I need to start rebuilding my relationship with the church so I can start attending with her to which I will refuse since I want to tell them how the pastor destroyed my marriage in 2 years of secret marriage counseling with her only. But the Holy Spirit says not to say anything just no. But I will make my marriage a condition of my relationship with the church. If they can't repair and fix my marriage then I won't be back to the church.