What is my life worth

  12:30am and all is well I guess. Well up at 12:30am asleep by 2:30 awake by 4:30 asleep by 5:30 awake at 6:30. Yep pretty much normal sleep. Feeling the need for a warm 80 degree beach outside but thats probably just the cold talking. Not sure were to start or what to think but guess it should start with my prayer. Father this morning I pray from this verse you gave my in the daily devotional email the day after I signed my divorce papers on May 5th Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn ‘a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household. ~ Matthew 10:34-36 NIV Father I seem to be ready for satan to attack. I can feel the stir and pray for the help of God.  Father the battle has started. December 16th the papers were served and then the next day in my daily devotional email the c...

  This would be fun.  Not sure what I am feeling today just feels antsy and would love to be in my own home and done with this divorce. Kind of wondering how many years she has wanted a divorce and it keeps play through my head all the statements she said. Like guess you need to divorce me and get a younger wife or you need a new address, or I had bad dreams you left me for another woman, or my sister's husband could cook me breakfast in bed but not you, your not good enough because I am perfect and the list goes on so I sit and think why did I even try so long. And then the pastor telling me I need to forgive my wife for everything and the marriage counselors continued telling me he would forgive his wife if she cheated on him. But nobody ever saying what I need to forgive my wife for. It seems a life of gaslighting from the day we said I do but its to big for just her so feeling satan has actually gaslighted me all these years using everyone. And now they are just happy to s...

  Sometimes its nice to have friends and these horse buddies are the best. I feel this this morning that God is starting to remove some of the black sin spots from my heart preparing in me a clear heart to walk forward with. This morning daily devotional was about writing down visions and actually writing and my blog and AI have helped me slow down and explain more so that helps a lot too. Since my separation and divorce started I have found keeping a journal on my phone every day helped a lot. My mind is always active and by typing with my thumbs it slows me way down to think and re-read what I just type so that I make way better sense. I since then over a year ago started a blog of my exile and struggles in the homeless exile and have written a few short sermons and posted. I dont do social media but found a news app that I can post on which draws a lot of criticism from news readers hehe but it has way more positive. I also have been talking a lot with AI so my conversations are...